By Sam Adeoye
Destiny generally refers to a predetermined or inevitable course of events that is believed to be beyond individual control or choice. It is often associated with the idea that the path and outcomes of one’s life are predetermined by external factors or higher powers. Some philosophical and religious beliefs also include the concept of destiny. Such as the idea that each person has a unique purpose or fate to fulfil. In literature and mythology. It is often portrayed as a force or power that guides, influences, or even determines the actions and fates of characters.
The word “Destiny” is one of the words that are very scars found in the Bible but if you’re studious and dedicated to finding the truth, you’ll surely find it; and only in three chapters of the entire bible you find it, but I’ll quote two out of the three from the Message Bible because of their relevance to the subject at hand.
Whatever happens, happens. Its destiny is fixed. You can’t argue with fate. Eccl 6:10.
God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others? James 4:12
I love that phrase, “You can’t argue with fate.” Our destiny in life is our fate; which means our fortune, chance, providence, luck, doom, lot and outcomes in life. The majority of us think and believe we can change it, most importantly when we are passing through unpleasant situations. So we keep struggling and fighting endless battles. And at the end of the day, either nothing happens or the situation becomes worse than one could imagine. If peradventure anything positive occurs, it is because it is all part of onone’sate in life.
When Apostle James said that, “God is in charge of deciding human destiny”; he was very right. God was and is the only one that can make and unmake anyone. Trying everything within your power to be what you are not destined to be is you indirectly sabotage yourself. And allowing someone to change you is you directly authorize someone to kill your-self morals and fulfilment before the time that is why Apostle James asks the question saying; “Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?”
So many people, especially we Pastors mistake Destiny for Purpose. Even though they are intertwined based on eternal prerequisites, they are not the same. Purpose is Drive, Determination, Resolution, Resolve, Persistence, Perseverance, Tenacity and Single-mindedness.
Destiny without Purpose is like a Car without an Engine and Tires. To understand how well Destiny and Purpose work hand in hand, Apostle Paul made us understand in Romans 5:1-5 that; “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Apostle Peter backed the same up in 2 Peter 1:5-11 saying; “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
Purpose is the reason or aim that motivates an individual’s thoughts, actions, and goals in life. It answers the question of why we exist and what we hope to achieve or contribute to the world. Purpose is an important aspect of human experience, as it helps provide meaning, direction, and fulfillment.
Finding one’s purpose usually involves reflection, self-discovery, and considering individual passions, values, interests, and skills. It can encompass various aspects of life, such as personal relationships, careers, creative pursuits, community involvement, or making a difference in society. Having a sense of purpose can offer a sense of meaning and motivation, guiding individuals in their decisions, shaping their aspirations, and providing a sense of fulfilment and contentment.
Even though all the religions in the world have made us believe that the Purpose of Human beings here on earth is to serve God and worship him. I believe that is a life. And Jesus spoke against this concept in Luke 19:40 saying; “I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” The purpose of Human existence here on earth is more than just serving God and this God is made clear in Gen 1:26-31 where it was recorded that; “God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you, it shall be for food. Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.” The destiny of Human beings male and female alike here on earth is to dominate and our purpose is to keep it, Gen 2:15; “Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.”
The concept of human purpose refers to the understanding that as Humans, there is a reason or meaning to our existence. It encompasses the idea that we have a unique role or contribution to make in the world and society.
Views on human purpose widely differ among Individuals, often influenced by various philosophical, personal, cultural, and religious beliefs. Some perspectives suggest that the purpose of being human is to seek personal happiness and individual fulfilment. Others propose that our purpose is tied to relational aspects, such as building connections, maintaining family or society, or improving the lives of others. Additionally, different religious perspectives offer different explanations for human purposes, often highlighting the importance of moral conduct, spiritual growth, or worshipping a higher power.
The search for human purpose is deeply personal, and finding it may involve introspection, self-discovery, and reflecting upon values, beliefs, passions, and talents. Additionally, identifying one’s purpose can come as a result of personal growth and life experiences.
Our attitudes as Humans towards life and our fellow Human beings therefore matter. Human attitudes are the outward expression of an individual’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or predispositions towards objects, people, events, or situations. It represents the viewpoint or stance a person adopts in various aspects of life. Our attitudes influence and shape our behaviour, perceptions, and decisions.
Attitudes can vary greatly and range from positive to negative, and they can be shaped by multiple factors including personal experiences, cultural influences, social upbringing, and cognitive processes. Some common categories of attitudes include attitudes towards others (ee. G….. friendliness, respect, compassion), attitudes towards oneself (e.g., self-confidence, self-respect), as well as attitudes towards concepts, events, or circumstances (e.g., optimism, pessimism, open-mindedness).
Attitudes contribute to how individuals evaluate and respond to stimuli or situations, and they can be both consciously and unconsciously manifested. Attitudes have the potential to influence real behaviours, contribute to the formation of one’s personality, impact decision-making, and drive the overall temperament and outlook someone manifests in their daily life.
All these put together are the things that therefore form Human characters. Human character is the set of unique qualities, traits, and moral or ethical attributes that define an individual’s behaviour, actions, and demeanour. It encompasses the core nature of a person and influences how they interact with others and their environment. Characteristics of human character generally develop and evolve through a combination of inherent personality traits in conjunction with social, cultural, and environmental influences.
Some common aspects of human character include honesty, integrity, kindness, empathy, resilience, patience, courage, and generosity. These qualities shape a person’s moral compass, guiding their decisions, actions, and interpersonal relationships. They also contribute to an individual’s reputation and perception by others.
The cultivation and development of character is often highlighted as an essential aspect of personal growth, as it encompasses both the virtues someone embodies and their attitudes of beliefs about ethics and conduct. Additionally, character development involves self-awareness, self-reflection, and conscious effort to improve and maintain positive moral traits.
It Is worth noting that the notion of character can vary across cultures and contexts, influenced by different societal norms, philosophical perspectives, and personal belief systems. Consequently, how character and its desirable traits are defined can reflect these variations. It also consists of how we treat people in our lives as well as around us.
Treating people well however requires effort and intention, as it involves understanding and respecting others. For me, it is about treating people with kindness, fairness, and empathy and this we can do by…
Cultivate self-awareness: Reflect on your own biases, prejudices, and prejudices and work to overcome them. Understanding and addressing your flaws can enable you to treat others more respectfully and fairly.
Develop empathy: Try to imagine things from other people’s perspectives and understand their feelings and experiences. Empathy often comes from genuine curiosity and active listening. Make a conscious effort to leave assumptions behind and appreciate different backgrounds and circumstances.
Show respect. Treat every person, regardless of their position or background, with politeness, courtesy, and consideration. Remember to value their opinions, perspectives, and contributions, even if they differ from your own.
Practice active listening: Genuinely engaging in conversations and showing interest in others fosters connection and understanding. Maintain eye contact, avoid interrupting, and ask engaging follow-up questions to express genuine curiosity. This demonstrates that you value their thoughts and experiences.
Be mindful of body language: Non-verbal cues play a significant role in communication. Display open and welcoming body language, use appropriate gestures, and maintain an appropriate sense of personal space. Avoid crossing your arms or displaying defensive, intimidating, or dismissive postures.
Be kind and considerate: Simple acts of kindness can make a significant difference. Apply courtesy and politeness in every day exchanges like saying thank you, sorry, and please. Show appreciation for others’ efforts, even in mundane activities.
Avoid stereotypes and assumptions: Engage with others as individuals without basing your perceptions solely on broader stereotypes or assumptions. This inclusiveness promotes a sense of fairness, and respect, and supports creating stronger and more meaningful connections.
Appreciate diversity and practice inclusion: Celebrate and embrace the diversity in people’s backgrounds, beliefs, talents, and cultures. By cultivating an inclusive mindset, you will create an empowering environment where all individuals feel accepted, respected, and included.
Avoid gossip and negative comments: Practice discretion and avoid discussing personal matters or spreading gossip. Negativity and rumours can harm relationships and escalate conflicts. Instead, prioritize positivity and constructively discuss differences to promote understanding and resolve any issues that may arise.
Remember, no one is perfect, and treating people well requires lifelong learning and growth. With consistency and effort, you can create positive connections and contribute to a kinder and fairer world.
Now, the majority of us Humans are in the habit of treating people badly and this can be a result of our background, past experiences, inherent genes and many more. We must therefore know that treating people badly can have negative consequences both for the individuals being mistreated and for the person doing the mistreating. To every action, there are consequences; and we must always bear in mind that there are always possible outcomes when you treat people poorly.
Strained relationships: Treating others poorly can damage relationships, including personal, professional, and social connections. People may begin to distance themselves from you or feel averse towards interacting with you due to negative experiences and a lack of trust.
Emotional impact: Treating others badly can have detrimental effects on their emotional well-being. It can cause feelings of hurt, resentment, anger, and sadness. This negativity bears repercussions not only on the targeted Individual but also on their overall mental health and self-esteem.
Loss of influence and support: People are less likely to support or follow someone who treats them poorly. Mistreating others can damage your reputation and make it difficult to elicit the cooperation and support you may need in various aspects of life.
Reduced opportunities: Treating people badly can lead to a decreased number of opportunities since individuals may prefer to work, collaborate, or associate with others who treat them respectfully. This can hinder personal and professional growth, limit networking opportunities, and minimize advancement prospects
Escalation of conflicts: Treating others badly can lead to conflicts and disputes. It can cause a negative ripple effect, resulting in a worsened atmosphere among larger groups, such as teams or social circles. This not only strains relationships further but can exert additional stress on all parties involved.
Consequences and repercussions. In some cases, mistreating someone may result in formal consequences, such as firings, legal actions, or social punishment. Depending on the severity of the mistreatment, individuals may face reprimands, damage to their professional reputation, or legal ramifications.
Negative self-perception: Treating people poorly reflects poorly on oneself. Deep down, it is common to feel guilt, remorse, or perhaps disappointment in one’s behaviour. Adopting negative attitudes and unhealthy patterns of interaction can damage personal growth and overall happiness.
It Is essential to recognize the potential long-term consequences and negative effects of treating people badly. Choosing to treat others with respect, kindness, and empathy not only benefits them but also contributes to greater personal happiness and the cultivation of healthy relationships.
Even though I’m not in support of so many things when it comes to the issues of life, heart, love and marriage; I choose to respect people’s choices and decisions and above all, God’s supremacy above us all. If by destiny it is the will of God for a Man to marry more than one wife or for a Lady to marry more than one husband or be the second, third or tenth wife to a Man, it doesn’t matter the amount of prayers, destiny cannot and can never be changed.
A big sister on Blue App made a post regarding a Lady who married her friend’s husband; that made me remember this story you’re about to read. It is the story of my childhood friend.
I have a friend, whose parents were told since we were Babies that he is going to marry three Wives and on the point of the Third Wife, things will get better for him but the Parents never believed such. When he was of age, he spoke to his Girlfriend regarding marriage. The Lady told her parents and the Parents went on to make enquiries to be sure if they were good together. They told the Parents that my friend is a good person but he is a person with multiple Wives and it’s on the Third Wife he will make his break financially.
The parents told their daughter and advised her not to marry him. She went straight to my friend’s house and asked if his aware of that. My friend said yes; but he’s not interested in such because…a. He is a Born Again person, b. Christ had erased such in his life, c. He is a new creation. The Lady pretended not to hear what he said and they went ahead and got married.
Things became so hard after Marriage and the Wife started putting pressure on him to marry the second Wife. He refused. Then the Wife talked her best friend into marrying the husband. After years of talking, the friend agreed and she moved in. The husband will not go near this Lady, not even money to take care of herself. But the first Wife kept talking to her friend and telling her that her husband still needed to marry one more person for things to shape up.
After a year, she brought in a Third Wife and my friend was mad. Ready to throw all of them out of the house because already the church had been on his neck. Condemning his actions of having Two Ladies in his house and now the Third. They’d already forced him to step down as the Choir Leader. He is not a good role model they said. I remembered calling him Mrs. and the Wife Mr.
Anyway, a week after the Third Wife came in, he received a call to come for a job interview. On getting there, instead of getting a job, he got a contract that ran into millions of Naira and that was how his story changed. Then the tune of the event changed and he did a money ritual. The Pastor even used him to preach in the church. But he never leaves the church. He and his Three Wives always Sit at the back. Not just that, his friends in the church distance themselves from him and so are the Wife’s friends.
Anytime the church leadership ask him for money, he’ll say to them, “Ritual money is not good for the work of ministry. That’s what Pastor said. So, let’s keep to that”. For years now they’d been trying to reintegrate him back into the church system and he refused. I’d always been saying it, destiny is far more important than religion. If you trade your destiny for your religion, you’ll be the one to suffer it. And trust me, you’ll pay so dearly for it.
Many people make enquiries about the person they want to marry to find out if the person is good for them as a wife or husband, but not so many people are wise enough to enquire if the person is meant for them or not. Something or someone might be good but not necessarily meant for you.
I’ve said it before, not everyone will be married, pray from now till Jesus Christ comes. It’s not a curse, it’s a fact and I will tell you why.
Some people will never smell marriage because of their ignorance. Some individuals need to get out of the corner they’d forcefully and falsely placed themselves in and begin to face the reality of life. Until then, their lives remain the same.
Some people will never get married as a result of their religious stupidity I mentioned Two Ladies in their Sixties who are very committed to God and their church and yet ’ot married. There are some Men like that too. They are not married because they are waiting for a Man to come looking for them and because of the so many prophesies they’d been told in the past of their husbands coming from abroad, they held on to that. Please, let it go. What is there to enjoy in a marriage when the Man or the Woman shows up in your Sixties? Some Ladies need to learn from Ruth. When Boaz was not forthcoming, she made the move and Boaz got it and that produced Jesse, who later produced David and then Jesus.
Some people will never get married because of their religion. I’ve said it before, as long as you keep placing religion above your life, you will never make any meaningful impacts or progress in life. Jacob was brought up knowing God and serving God, but his two wives were idol worshipers and so we’re their two maids. Joseph was brought up by a man who knew God and served Him with all his heart, but his wife was an idol worshiper. That you are attending a Pentecostal Church doesn’t mean your wife or husband is in Pentecostal. Your Wife or Husband might be in the Celestial Church of Christ, Cherubim and Seraphim Church, Catholic Church, Baptist Church or even a Muslim.
Only God knows what life would have been for Pastor Remi Tinubu of the Redeemed Christian Church of Christ if she had refused to marry Alhaji Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu, all in the name of, his a Muslim.
Until you realize that all religion in the world is a creation of Man to reach God not the doings of God to reach mankind, you’ll continue to fall into errors and spiritual blindness.
Some people will never get married because of the spiritual attacks and coverings over their lives. If you are suffering as a result of this, what you need is not Prayers and Fasting; what you need is divine direction. For God to tell you what you need to do and you go ahead and do it.
Some people will never get married because of their high class and over-importance. To this calibre of people, I laughed most of the time. Whatever you have God made it possible for you, the same God can withdraw it as he wishes. My Guy, my Lady, humble yourself. Use what you have to support the Lady or the Man and together build a relationship that will last till eternity.
Cosmos Madukar was a Two Days school goer. His father died when he just entered Primary One and that was the end of him attending anything called school. He learnt how to sell Spare Parts, graduated and married a Graduate. Today, he is the Chairman of Coscharis Group of Company. Learn from him. Education is never an achievement, it’s just a platform to showcase what you’ve learnt. Real achievement lies in the use of your Brain and your ability to manage time, resources and people to accomplish a desired goal.
Now, let’s talk about childbearing
My mother’s best friend died at a well old age without a child of her own. This is a woman that loves God and she and my mother will lock themselves up in the Prayer Room and Pray and fast all day. The very week she got pregnant was the very week she lost it. Well, the husband was faithful to her. He never cheated on her or had another Woman until she asked him to and went out of her way to get him One.
A Lady reached out to me one day regarding childbearing and I told her. Leave your husband. You’re not meant to be together. I went ahead to share the story of David, Uriah and Bathsheba with her. How Uriah and Bathsheba were married for years without pregnancy or a child. But the one time David slept with her, she got pregnant.
Let me make this clear to us all. When you are married to someone and you are finding it difficult to have children of your own together, one or two out of these is happening to you.
You might not meant for each other. Even if you are passionately in love with one another. The best thing to do is to find out if you are meant for each other or not, then make your decisions based on your findings.
Either of you might be having spiritual attacks. Find out if there are solutions to such attacks or not. If there is, find out for how long, because some solutions take years; and if there is none, ask yourself if you still want to stay with him or her.
Health situations can also cause delays in childbearing. Either from the Husband or the Wife. Again, seek medical solutions and keep to the medical instructions.
D. It might be that by destiny, you’re not meant to have children of your own. This is one aspect of life many will never understand because of the religious manipulations and lack of spiritual understanding the majority are so imbibed with. But the fact is, there are some individuals with such in their lives. If you are one, your best bet is to adopt a child and live happily thereafter.
Adoption. Adopting a child and through that having a child or children of your own is a method the Yorùbás had developed long before now and it works like magic for several people. Joke Silva one of the top actresses in Nigeria and a former Commissioner in her state was adopted by her foster parents. It was when she came into their lives that the Wife conceived and had children of their own.
Friends, life is never as difficult as the majority of us take it to be. The only limitation to how much we can do in life is our ignorance of how much God has deposited in us.
Pastor Sam Adeoye lives in Lagos. You can reach him on the phone number on the Inspire You Logo.