By Sam Adeoye
A friend made a post saying there is no place where God placed the headship on Woman, I read the post and I laughed.
Let’s set the record straight once and for all.
ONE
Apostle Paul made Men head over the Women, not God. From the Old Testament of the Bible to the New Testament, Men have no regard for Women; and it’s so bad to see that the same is still prevalent in the church and the church is supposed to be an example to the world. But of course, the world is the one dominating the church, so anything goes.
TWO
God is the head of the church because God is the founder and the creator of the church; is the Man the creator of the Woman? The answer is no!
THREE
God created the Man and the Woman at the same time, Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Both Man and Woman are in one body. Moses called him Man because there was no other name to call them. It was in later years science made us know that what God created in Genesis 1:27 was not a Man, but a “hermaphrodite”.
What God did later was to separate the Woman from the Man in Genesis 2:21-22 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
FOUR
No Man is superior to a Woman and no Woman is inferior to a Man. Inferiority complex and ego are the major problems of us all. And any Man who wants to go far in life should learn to walk and work with his Wife, learning from Abraham; God told him, listen to Sarah your Wife. Genesis 21:12 But God said to Abraham, “Do not let it be displeasing in your sight because of the lad or because of your bondwoman. Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice; for in Isaac, your seed shall be called.
Any Man who will not listen to his Wife is bound to fail in life big time. All these headships and fire-by-force superiority are a lack of wisdom. That’s just the fact. Even God told Abraham to listen to Sarah in Genesis 21:11-12 And the matter was very displeasing in Abraham’s sight because of his son. But God said to Abraham, “Do not let it be displeasing in your sight because of the lad or because of your bondwoman. Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice; for in Isaac your seed shall be called.
If God can tell Abraham to listen to Sarah his Wife, how much more you and I? The reason why so many Men are failing in life and their marriages is because of their egos. They always believe that they’re superior to their Wife and some Women also are so gullible to have turned themselves into their slaves. Sir, you’re indirectly destroying yourself.
God did not call Woman wisdom in the book of Proverbs for nothing. The woman was referred to as wisdom in the book of Proverbs because that is exactly who she is, wisdom. And even to date, a girl of Six years old is far wiser than a Man of Seventy years old. Sir, face the reality of life and creation and humble yourself to join forces with your Wife and build a lasting marriage, family and life together.
Some years back, I told a friend to try all he could to listen to his wife and always reason things out with her before taking any action. For Five years, my friend struggled with that and kept failing and being in debt. Finally, he did and for the first time in his life, my friend had a total amount of Two Million Naira in his account at the end of the; that had never happened to him before.
You cannot tap into the grace and the wisdom of God upon your Wife when you keep disrespecting her and treating her like nobody. The grace you don’t honour cannot work for you. In Eph 5:15-33 Apostle Paul said…
TO THE HUSBAND AND WIFE
Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ.
TO THE WIFE
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything
TO THE HUSBAND
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Over the years I’ve heard people saying God, give me the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh and sometimes I wondered if the people really know what they are saying; or if it’s just another religious statement made into prayers and now controlling the thoughts and the mind of the people.
Before going deeper into this, let’s establish some facts that will help set our thinking straight and help us build and sustain a good relationship and establish a great marriage, not just for ourselves but also for the generations coming after us.
GOD CREATED HUMAN EQUAL
Until we all come to a point when we understand and hold the facts that God created man and woman equally and gave the power to dominate the earth to both of them; our earth will continue to suffer setbacks and the innocents will continue to suffer the pains of ignorance established and lived by the generations before us.
It was boldly stated in ’enesis 1:27-28 that; “so God created man in his image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
God created man in his image…
Male and female created He them…
God blessed them…
God said unto them…
Three times, the Lord used the word “them”.
Them is not a word you use for a singular person. It’s a word that is used for more than one person and in this context, God was speaking to two people identified by a male and a female. A male called Adam said the female is nameless because she is together in the same body as the male called Adam.
The first human being God created was a “hermaphrodite”. Check the word “hermaphrodite”; it starts with “h.e.r” which is “her” a woman.
Anyway, let me stay put and not digress.
In reproductive biology, a hermaphrodite is an organism that has both kinds of reproductive organs and can produce both gametes associated with the male and female sexes. For many who do not know, many taxonomic groups of animals do not have separate sexes. That was how humans were originally made.
From the beginning of creation, God created man and woman equally. There was no superiority of one over the other. God did not make one superior and the other inferior. Not at all. And if God had not separated them, I bet you, the killings and the number of violence against women and some men all in the name of marriage would never have existed.
And for those who are not aware, there are some people in this time and in this generation who are hermaphrodites, and there are some who physically are male but their attitudes and ways of life are that of a female. Also, some are female physically but everything about them is male especially ladies who are always on trousers…I mean no disrespect, please.
Some many people take this nature of theirs to the extreme and that is why we see some of them changing their physical appearances to that of the nature they feel within.
Yes, I know that society, the church and religious organizations are always ready to judge them and speak to their face that whatever they are doing Is wrong; but many of us forget the fact that these people did not create themselves and whatever they feel inside is never their fault. Something at the point of creation is responsible for this. And we can’t blame them for that.
However, the fact that you and I carried with us the nature of the gender we represent in the physical is a great privilege and such privilege should be appreciated and celebrated by God for it because several others are suffering inside because their nature is different from their gender look.
SHE’S A HELPMEET
God separated the female gender from the single-body hermaphrodite He created earlier. And called her helpmeet.
In Genesis 2:18-23, it was said that; “the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a HELP MEET for him. And out of the ground, the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air, and brought them unto Adam to see what He would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and He slept: and HE TOOK ONE OF HIS RIBS, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and THE RIB, which the LORD God had taken from man, MADE HE A WOMAN, and brought her unto the man. AND ADAM SAID, THIS IS NOW BONE OF MY BONES and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.
Adam named her Woman not God
Adam called her Wife not God
God called her Helpmeet
WHAT IS HELPMEET
A helpmeet is a helpful companion or partner, especially one’s husband or wife.
The same way God made the woman to be of help to the man is the same way the man is supposed to be of help to the woman.
Marriage shouldn’t be an end to your dreams, aspirations and fulfilments in life. It is supposed to be the beginning of it no matter what you’ve accomplished before marriage. But that’s not always the case. Some men and women practically go down financially, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually for those who are spiritual immediately after they get married.
Such a person is not a help to you but a killer.
The Bible made us understand that; “the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman”.
WHAT IS RIB
The Rib is each of a series of slender curved bones articulated in pairs to the spine (twelve pairs in humans), protecting the thoracic cavity and its organs.
The Rib is a long raised piece of strengthening or supporting material.
While praying for the bone of your bone, which I believe is an act of a lazy brain even though there is nothing wrong in praying don’t leave everything in the hands of prayers. Be watchful too.
Is this man or lady I want to get married to protecting me or is willing to protect me and the marriage from whatever or whoever forces the enemies might want to use to separate us?
If your answer is no, then take a walk such a person is never for you.
Is this man or lady you are about to give your heart to and live the rest of your life with hopefully ready to be a source of encouragement, strength or support to your dreams and aspirations in life?
Or once you are married to him or her all your dreams become dead?
The bone of your bone is not what you find in prayers alone, it’s also requires that you open your eyes and mind wide to see who the person truly is before you finally open your heart to him or her and eventually give your body to the person.
Until you see yourself on the equal path with him or her; and not be threatened by his or her achievements; you are not ready for life or marriage.
Only the foolish judge others. I’ve not seen it all, but the little I’ve seen about life is enough to make me think straight.
Our lives are not the same and so is our destiny. That our paths in life cross doesn’t mean we’re heading in the same direction.
I’d rather support you and encourage you even if what you are doing in the eyes of others is bad. God created Pharaoh for destruction. That is his purpose and destiny. Trying to change it means he will not fulfil his purpose in life and those that his purpose will impact will have to live their lives stagnant. Ọmọ, ko jọ.
Judge not so that you will not be judged Jesus Christ said. You’re not the creator, neither are you, God, how dare you to determine people’s lives and how they live?
Are you the God who created them?
Are you the God that sent them to the world for a purpose?
Do you know what their purpose in life is?
Is your own life sailing on a smooth path?
Why not stay focused on your life and leave others to live their lives?
No matter what anyone is going through, I’ll always give my support because I believe that nothing happens to anyone unless it’s part of their destiny and purpose in life either good or bad.
What people do with their lives is none of your business. If you cannot support them, then don’t judge them. If you cannot ask them questions to better understand what they are doing, then don’t nail them to the wall. You’re never a saint yourself.
And if you think you know about marriage because you remained married, you lie to yourself. The only set of people who have a close close-to-perfect understanding of what marriage is are those who have been single, married and single.
If you want to learn about marriage, listen to such individuals. They’d been through the fire of what marriage is and if they came out still alive and glowing, trust me, they know what those still in the marriage don’t know. Respect them.
DIVORCED LADIES
Any Lady who is well-loved and respected will surely submit herself to her husband. You cannot be disrespecting your Wife and still expect her to submit herself to you. Say waiting now?
We hear that a Lady is divorced and the next thing the majority of us conclude is that she’s bad, she’s not submissive or she’d done something unlawful; really?
We don’t even know if the husband is the one at fault. We never know what led to her divorce, and yet we judge her.
Many Ladies who are divorced have wonderful personalities that their husbands took for granted and treated them badly.
No Lady prays or wishes to be single. But there is a falsehood of gender superiority that is affecting some of us Men. We needed to relax, Ladies also deserve respect, either in marriage or outside marriage.
I made a post on my Facebook page some days ago saying, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, and a friend responded to it by saying; “it causes setbacks. It truncates destiny”.
She was very right. Psalms 51:1-4, King David said; Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your loving-kindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight—that You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge.
It is one thing for God to have mercy on you, it is another thing to have mercy on yourself.
If God have mercy on you and you do not have mercy on yourself, you will still suffer pains and sorrows. That’s just the reality of life.
The only sin some people have committed and still committing is to remain in a bad marriage just because they’d been told that God hates divorce. But I kept asking them, if God hate divorce and you’re suffering in your marriage, does that mean that God loves seeing you suffering?
Don’t worry, when you die, I’ll come for your burial just to come and see what your face looks like in death, compared to what it was when you were alive.
I said it again, Sarah left Abraham, and God did not because of that withdraw His promise and covenant from Abraham or Sarah. Walking out of a bad marriage is not a sin and it will never be a sin. Run for your life before someone sends you on a journey of no return.
I had a discussion with my bestie a few minutes ago and my our discussion, we talked about Mercy Aigbe and Mercy Johnson Okojie and how the lives of their husbands had been greatly preserved and lengthened for marrying these beautiful Ladies.
I see the smiles and the joy on their husband’s faces. I see how refreshed and handsome they suddenly become and rather than looking older, they’re looking Younger. I don’t any anyone to tell me that that is exactly what happens when a couple are happy together and is there for each other.
I took my time to look for the pictures of when they were with their previous wives, and honestly, my brothers were not happy. Ojukwu was their first name in those pictures and I asked myself; why?
Now, this is not a gender-based article. What I speak to one I speak to all. If you are the one who is not happy in a marriage as a Lady, take a walk. And if you are the one as a Husband that is not happy in your marriage, take a walk.
My grandmother used to say that chopping off the head because of a headache is never the solution. That is true but not in all cases. You’re told that you’re not welcome on the dancing floor and you say that you know how to dance. If you dance will applaud you?
Living your life with someone who hasn’t understood you gives you the freedom to explore yourself and be useful to yourself physically mentally, emotionally and financially.
Judging and condemning someone for divorcing his wife or her Huang is uncalled for because you never know what has gone through in the marriage before taking a walk out of the marriage.
Marriage is sweet and beautiful only when you have the opportunity to marry the right person. If not for God, I should have been six feet below the ground rotten in the grave.
If you see a Lady or a Man who is out of a marriage, remarried to another person and is now happy, please celebrate them and don’t judge them. To be free and happy in a marriage is never easy.
I remember the Pastor I was attending his church some years back telling us how the Wife wanted to pour him Hot Water on a Sunday morning while dressing up for church because of the way he was treating the Wife including lifting his hands on her.
Rise your hands on me one more time and I’ll show you the other side of me the Wife said and that was the end. He never lifts his hands against the Wife again.
Whatever made his brain set after the threat had always been in his brain, just that he refused to connect his brain to that.
The same happens to virtually everyone who treats their spouse badly. They always connect to the dark side of their brains.
Now, not everyone can reset like the Pastor and turn a new life. To be safe and sound, have mercy on yourself. Walk away from that marriage as quickly as possible.
To Mercy Aigbe and Mercy Johnson Okojie, thank you for being a wonderful spouse to your husbands. And to wonderful Ladies and Men that are doing well in their second or third marriage, I celebrate you and I wish you all the best.
Now, to the wonderful Reno Omokri; in one of his posts Reno said that it is not right for a Woman to minister in the church. He went on to quote the Apostle Paul, the story of Anna and Jesus and his mother, etc. Anyway, here is my response to that.
Reading this, one might think you are right, but you are not. It’s so unfortunate that the same old mentality that had put the world in danger is still the same lies, falsehoods and mentality many of us are still imbibed with.
God created Man and Woman equally at the same time. He only separated them later, with the Ribs He took from the Man and Woman in one body He earlier created and formed.
Apostle Paul’s teaching in the scriptures you quoted said all that based on the culture and traditions of the Bible not based on the laws or commandments of the Lord.
If truly God did not want Women in ministry or want Women to lead in anything regarding the works of the Kingdom, then God wouldn’t have used Deborah to lead the entire nation of Israel to all and win or Queen Esther who declared a Fasting through the land even when God did not asked them to Fast or listening to the cry of the people. But the moment they all listened to her, God stepped into action and overturned the plans of the enemies against the Jews.
You talked about Anna, even though we do not have many records of her activities in the Temple, we sure know and read that she gave a powerful revelation of baby Jesus when He was brought to the Temple. The revelation the Men in the Temple that were parading themselves to be important don’t even know about.
Occupying positions carrying titles around and being available for God to use or being a custodian of God’s secrets are not the same. The Men in the Temple officiating are filled with activities that they do not even know are of God or not. And yet, Anna, a supposedly ordinary Widow of no pedigree God was talking to and revelling His secret to.
Question; which of them do you think is closer to God; the Men who are filled with the Temple activities and Anna who was filled with the secrets of God?
In my own opinion, activities without God are a waste of time and an act of foolishness and that’s what we have mostly in the church today.
It is God’s prerequisite to decide who He wants to use in any given circumstance and how He chooses to use the person.
All these ideas of falsely and forcefully placing Men above Women are an act of foolishness and playing God in the lives of individuals. Leave God alone to do His thing and let’s mind our own business.
Sam Adeoye, the author of Inspire You, lives in Lagos.