One of the biggest destroyer of life and destiny is the institution called marriage. Even though all the religious in the world believed that marriage was instituted by God; I kept asking them questions, which majority of them are yet to answer. Why is marriage destroying people if truly it is instituted by God for the good of mankind?
So many people are silently dying in their marriage, both Men and Women; including the religious leaders themselves that kept claiming and teaching that God instituted marriage and marriage is good for all; but cannot come out and seek for help simply because of their religious beliefs and the religion they belong to, the societal pressure, the tribal ideologies or traditional value. Most of which are nothing but baseless lies and falsehood.
In Gen 2:18 the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
The word ‘helper’ meaning a person who helps another person or group with a job they are doing. While the word ‘comparable’ simply means roughly similar, or better put, they are of the same kind or are in the same situation, and so they can reasonably be compared. Meaning they are equalled.
The word comparable simply means similar, equal and like. Meaning for anyone to help you in life be it your spouse or outsider; you must first of all identify some levels of similarity between the both of you, be ready to treat the person equally as you’ll treat yourself and above all like, I mean appreciate and celebrate some aspects of the person’s life. Be less judgemental, as a matter of fact no judgemental attitudes, criticism or given unduly attitudes towards the person.
Failure to do these simply means you’re on your own and there is nothing anyone will do to help you. Attitude is everything in life. While good attitudes will draw people closer to you, bad attitudes will repel people away from you; and that includes your spouse.
When your attitude towards people changed, their response to you also will change and this is not applicable to Human Beings alone, God also do the same and this was made clear in 1 Kings 11:11-14 when the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”
Immediately God said that to King Solomon, the Bible said that; ‘then the Lord raised up against Solomon an adversary, Hadad the Edomite, from the royal line of Edom.’
Your attitudes matters in the skims of life. Good attitudes equals good life, bad attitudes equals, bad life; it’s as simple as that.
NIV
The Message Bible puts it differently, saying; God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”
The word ‘companion’ in this context means, someone who you spend time with or who you are travelling with. A companion however can be for a shorter or longer period of time depends on the nature of your journey together.
A companion is a friend, buddy, mate, cohort, acquaintance, confidante and confidant. So many people have friends, but not so many people have a friend that can come to their aids when things are bad.
In life, you really don’t need many friends to be successful or be destroyed. You only needed a friend and your life will never be the same again good or bad. In 2 Sam 13:3-15, it was said that; ‘Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. And he said to him, “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” So Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'” Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” And David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Now go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was lying down. Then she took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to eat. Then Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” And they all went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!”
This single act of Amnon rapping Tamar lead to his death in 2 Sam 13:23-29 where it was said that; ‘and it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim; so Absalom invited all the king’s sons. Then Absalom came to the king and said, “Kindly note, your servant has sheepshearers; please, let the king and his servants go with your servant.” But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you.” Then he urged him, but he would not go; and he blessed him. Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” But Absalom urged him; so he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, “Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon!’ then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.” So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled.’
Just as a friend can destroy you and your future, so also, a friend can secure your future. And this was exactly what happened to David in 1 Sam 19:1-7, 1 Sam 20:1-42 it was said that; ‘Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to all his servants that they should kill David; but Jonathan, Saul’s son, delighted greatly in David. So Jonathan told David, saying, “My father Saul seeks to kill you. Therefore please be on your guard until morning, and stay in a secret place and hide. And I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak with my father about you. Then what I observe, I will tell you.” Thus Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father, and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant, against David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his works have been very good toward you. For he took his life in his hands and killed the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood, to kill David without a cause?” So Saul heeded the voice of Jonathan, and Saul swore, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be killed.” Then Jonathan called David, and Jonathan told him all these things. So Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as in times past.’
Then David fled from Naioth in Ramah, and went and said to Jonathan, “What have I done? What is my iniquity, and what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?” So Jonathan said to him, “By no means! You shall not die! Indeed, my father will do nothing either great or small without first telling me. And why should my father hide this thing from me? It is not so!” Then David took an oath again, and said, “Your father certainly knows that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said, ‘Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved.’ But truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death.” So Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you.”
And David said to Jonathan, “Indeed tomorrow is the New Moon, and I should not fail to sit with the king to eat. But let me go, that I may hide in the field until the third day at evening. If your father misses me at all, then say, ‘David earnestly asked permission of me that he might run over to Bethlehem, his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the family.’ If he says thus: ‘It is well,’ your servant will be safe. But if he is very angry, be sure that evil is determined by him. Therefore you shall deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you. Nevertheless, if there is iniquity in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father?” But Jonathan said, “Far be it from you! For if I knew certainly that evil was determined by my father to come upon you, then would I not tell you?”
Then David said to Jonathan, “Who will tell me, or what if your father answers you roughly?” And Jonathan said to David, “Come, let us go out into the field.” So both of them went out into the field. Then Jonathan said to David: “The Lord God of Israel is witness! When I have sounded out my father sometime tomorrow, or the third day, and indeed there is good toward David, and I do not send to you and tell you, may the Lord do so and much more to Jonathan. But if it pleases my father to do you evil, then I will report it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. And the Lord be with you as He has been with my father. And you shall not only show me the kindness of the Lord while I still live, that I may not die; but you shall not cut off your kindness from my house forever, no, not when the Lord has cut off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth.” So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “Let the Lord require it at the hand of David’s enemies.” Now Jonathan again caused David to vow, because he loved him; for he loved him as he loved his own soul. Then Jonathan said to David, “Tomorrow is the New Moon; and you will be missed, because your seat will be empty. And when you have stayed three days, go down quickly and come to the place where you hid on the day of the deed; and remain by the stone Ezel. Then I will shoot three arrows to the side, as though I shot at a target; and there I will send a lad, saying, ‘Go, find the arrows.’ If I expressly say to the lad, ‘Look, the arrows are on this side of you; get them and come’ — then, as the Lord lives, there is safety for you and no harm. But if I say thus to the young man, ‘Look, the arrows are beyond you’ — go your way, for the Lord has sent you away. And as for the matter which you and I have spoken of, indeed the Lord be between you and me forever.”
Then David hid in the field. And when the New Moon had come, the king sat down to eat the feast. Now the king sat on his seat, as at other times, on a seat by the wall. And Jonathan arose, and Abner sat by Saul’s side, but David’s place was empty. Nevertheless Saul did not say anything that day, for he thought, “Something has happened to him; he is unclean, surely he is unclean.” And it happened the next day, the second day of the month, that David’s place was empty. And Saul said to Jonathan his son, “Why has the son of Jesse not come to eat, either yesterday or today?” So Jonathan answered Saul, “David earnestly asked permission of me to go to Bethlehem. And he said, ‘Please let me go, for our family has a sacrifice in the city, and my brother has commanded me to be there. And now, if I have found favor in your eyes, please let me get away and see my brothers.’ Therefore he has not come to the king’s table.” Then Saul’s anger was aroused against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman! Do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, you shall not be established, nor your kingdom. Now therefore, send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.” And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said to him,”Why should he be killed? What has he done?” Then Saul cast a spear at him to kill him, by which Jonathan knew that it was determined by his father to kill David.
So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had treated him shamefully. And so it was, in the morning, that Jonathan went out into the field at the time appointed with David, and a little lad was with him. Then he said to his lad, “Now run, find the arrows which I shoot.” As the lad ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. When the lad had come to the place where the arrow was which Jonathan had shot, Jonathan cried out after the lad and said, “Is not the arrow beyond you?” And Jonathan cried out after the lad, “Make haste, hurry, do not delay!” So Jonathan’s lad gathered up the arrows and came back to his master. But the lad did not know anything. Only Jonathan and David knew of the matter. Then Jonathan gave his weapons to his lad, and said to him, “Go, carry them to the city.” As soon as the lad had gone, David arose from a place toward the south, fell on his face to the ground, and bowed down three times. And they kissed one another; and they wept together, but David more so. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, since we have both sworn in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘May the Lord be between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants, forever.'” So he arose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.
Jonathan knew well that his father was fighting for him to reign as King over Israel instead of David and yet he put his weight behind David against his father. The question is, can you voluntarily give away what is rightfully yours? I doubt it.
David and Jonathan were so close that no one knows what was going on between them and when David became King, he invited Jonathan’s son to the Palace to eat and wine with him. This was clearly stated in 2 Sam 9:3-10 where it was said that; then the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, to whom I may show the kindness of God?” And Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan who is lame in his feet.” So the king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “Indeed he is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, in Lo Debar.” Then King David sent and brought him out of the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, from Lo Debar. Now when Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, had come to David, he fell on his face and prostrated himself. Then David said, “Mephibosheth?” And he answered, “Here is your servant!” So David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually.” Then he bowed himself, and said, “What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?” And the king called to Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him,”I have given to your master’s son all that belonged to Saul and to all his house. You therefore, and your sons and your servants, shall work the land for him, and you shall bring in the harvest, that your master’s son may have food to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s son shall eat bread at my table always.’
This is what it means to have a friend, a helpmeet / helpmate; someone that can watch your back even at the detriment of his or her own life. Someone that can risk it all for you; but you don’t expect someone to sacrifice all for you when you are not willing to sacrifice all for them; just as it was said in Prov 18:24 that; ‘a man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.’
I know so many people will believed that an “halpmate” or “helpmeet” is a Wife to a Man called Husband; but the question you need to ask yourself is, how many Wives are helpmeet to their husbands? How many couples are really helping each other to get better these days? Some people’s lives are worse today as a result of the person they got married to. Some people’s destiny are destroyed today simply because they married a wrong person.
A helpmeet is not your wife or husband. A “helpmate” or “helpmeet” could be anyone. He or she could be your friend, sibling, cousin, parents, uncle, aunt, neighbors anyone and in most cases, even strangers. Anyone that can help you get better and be better in life is your “helpmate” or “helpmeet”.
The fact that the God said so before forming Eve doesn’t mean that it’s the word for husband and wife. God did not create Adam and Eve to be husband and wife; neither does He created Man and Woman to be Husband or Wife. God created Human Beings to be of help to one another and to love and respect each other. Whether you are married or not is your business not His.
Therefore shall a Man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife is not a statement from God but from Adam.
You limit your chances of fulfilling purpose in life when your focus and understanding of finding or having a helpmate or helpmeet is limited to your spouse. Yes, not everyone can help you and definitely not everyone will be willing to help. But you have to understand the fact that God created all human beings and it is at His own prerogative to decide who He wants to use to help you or not and it doesn’t matter whom the is or the religion or tribes the person belong to.
Jonathan was from the tribe of Benjamin, David was from the tribe of Judah, it is a thing of an Igbo Man, helping a Yoruba Man to become the President or an Hausa Man helping an Igbo Man to become the President. It is a thing of seeing ourselves as one and accepting ourselves as one without any hiding issues or hatred towards one another regardless of our choice of religion, tribes, culture or nationality.
Thinking or believing that your spouse –Husband or Wife- is your only helpmeet or helpmate is believing in a lie. Have you ask your; ‘what will happen to you if the spouse couldn’t help you? What will be the outcome of your life, destiny, dreams and visions if your spouse doesn’t have what it takes to help you? I’ll tell you; you’re dead.
And this is where I feel so sorry for some people who believed that once they are married, everything will be begin to fall in place and thing will begin to work fine and well for them because the bible says in Prov 18:22 that; ‘he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.’ Well my dear friend that is not totally the truth. Some people finds a wife or husband and find setbacks, failures, crisis and even death. So, before you quote that scripture and lead yourself into eternal error and damnation, you better put your head and brain to work.
Helpmate or helpmeet has nothing to do with marriage and if you think marriage is the ticket to greatness or great accomplishment, you deceive yourself. Marriage is good when you have the opportunity to meet and marry the right person. It is a scam if you find yourself in bed with a wrong person. You’re finished.
Now let me say this to the jealous spouse that will not and cannot help their spouse to get better and be successful in life and still will not allow others to help them. Any helper around their spouse be it same Gender or opposite Gender is a suspect. My friend, you are sick. You have big problem. You need medical attention or better still psychiatric evaluation.
If you don’t trust your spouse, leave him/her to go and marry another person that will trust him/her and help him/her to succeed in life. It’s only the enemy of progress from the pit of hell assigned to destroy another person that stands on their way of success and achievements. The life of your spouse shouldn’t come to an end because he/she got married to you. That is evil and man slather and I don’t want to believe you are one.
Stop being foolish, let someone else help your spouse to achieve his/her dreams if you cannot. Coming together supposed to be to help each other; the Man helping the Wife and the Wife helping the Man. Then friends, relatives, neighbors, strangers helping one another not pulling each other down.
Thank you