In Matthew 19:8-9 Jesus Christ said, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
If Jesus Christ was to be alive in the physical today, I believed He will never teach this because of what so many people had turned the marriage to today and the number of people losing their sanity as a result of them getting married to the wrong person and due to the fact that some individuals had turned it to a business racking millions and millions of money out of it.
“Divorce is now a very lucrative business for women. My ex-wife took more than half of my wealth after our divorce and I still pay her $10k every month for child support. I will never live or trust a woman again. I’ve been going through a lot emotionally, financially and physically since I divorced my wife. My wife took more than half of my wealth after our divorce. I never used to trust women but the first time I did, I almost lost everything I’ve ever worked. I can never trust or love a woman whole-heartedly again, I’ve learnt my lesson. Dear men, use my story as a life lesson so you don’t fall prey to any woman. I’m doing the best I can with every 24 hours I get to heal myself. I cry all the time but I don’t even wanna wipe my tears.She saw Marriage as a business , she got married to me for few years , divorced and took 50% of my lifetime savings . All her own money and properties was not in her name. 50 Cent warned me, he told me that if you are someone that loves so deep then this generation is not for you but I didn’t listen. When she asked for Divorce and took everything, 50 Cent still didn’t leave me, he still offered me a role in his movie “POWER“ . That’s how I bounced back and started hustling again. Sadly no one cares how you feel as a man, but I told myself that I’ll not act tough. I had to cry. Men need to start speaking up too. The society needs to know men cry too and get hurt “ Tyrese
This was the cry of an American Actor Tyrese Gibson after losing half of all he had ever worked for to a woman he loved so much and claimed to love him so much but woke up one day, filed for divorce and took half of his wealth with her with and still paying her child support which means indirectly taking care of her needs all in the name of taking care of the children with her. God bless Nigeria and the Nigerians. Nothing for you. You divorced a man or a woman and you get nothing and God help you that you drag the man to the court and have a good Judge on the seat, nothing for you.
Aside from this, most Nigerian Ladies especially married women are individuals with a sense of dignity, responsibility and self-respect. Any Lady you find in Nigeria who is after what to get from a man or in a relationship/marriage is a side-hustling prostitute and it doesn’t matter what the husband is providing them with, they still go out to have a pound of flesh from another man. Because of their no sense of honour, some of them pay the price of remaining in a bad marriage so that the man can continue to take care of them and the children, who are likely to be offsprings of another man and not the husband.
Health Baker Law Firm said, “Whether you believe it or not, divorce affects men and can take their physical and mental well-being for a ride. Here’s how divorce changes a man and what he can do to preserve their sanity and dignity.”
A friend once said that marriage is a scam and to some extent, I think I agreed with my friend. Some ladies are heartless and the only reason they are in a marriage with with man is to have their needs met not really because they love the man. Some women have the habit of placing their comfort above every other thing and anyone who can meet their comfort be it financially, emotionally, or sexually is the king for that moment.
Sue Ann Arnall is worth $1 Billion wealth today as a result of divorce not because she worked for the money and has a business of her own that generates that much money. She was the wife of oil baron and CEO of Continental Resources, Mr Harold Hamm. The 26-year-old marriage ended in 2015 with a handwritten check of a whopping $974 million to Sue Ann, which she initially rejected on the basis that it was too small. After a series of back-and-forths in court, however, she finally accepted the cheque. Before the cheque, Harold Hamm had initially paid her over $20 million, driving the total settlement figure to over a billion dollars.
The painful thing is, that once one person did it and got away with it, every other person also wants to give it a try. Since Sue Ann did it and got so much money Sue Gross the ex-wife of Bill Gross, the billionaire founder of the investment management firm, PIMCO quickly did the same and walked away from her 32-year-old marriage to the business mogul with a handsome 1.3 billion dollars.
Please pay attention to how the divorce settlement is getting increased and since it is now a get-rich-quick magic wand Melinda Gates couldn’t resist the temptation and in no time she became the latest billionaire divorcee on the block and she is already worth $1.8 billion after the first transfer of wealth. Her ex-husband, Bill Gates is the 4th richest man in the world. She will be worth over $60 billion if Bill Gates’ fortune is split evenly with her, although that is very unlikely.
Elaine Wynn ( $2 billion )
Leopards they said don’t change their skin, and so are some women. The divorce payoff kept increasing as Elaine Wynn the ex-wife of Steve Wynn and the Co-Founder of the successful casino company, Wynn Resorts went away with $2 Billion. After the couple divorced in 2012, she was transferred 11 million shares from the company which was valued at $795 million at the time. Her ex-husband sold a substantial amount of shares later that year, which she also got a stake in. Today, her total shares from Wyatt Resorts are worth over $2.3 billion according to Forbes.
So far, Mackenzie Scott is the highest earner with a whopping amount of $57.7 Billion. She met her ex-husband, Jeff Bezos when they both worked at a hedge fund in New York and she helped set up Amazon. After her divorce from Bezos in 2019, she received 4% of Amazon shares which was valued at $35 billion then. Amazon stocks have witnessed a near 75% increase since then. She is currently worth $57.7 billion according to Forbes.
Men are losing so much to these divorce things, both financially, emotionally, mentally and physically, and the majority of them cannot cry out because it is taboo for a man to cry. Even some international professional footballers suffered the same all in the name of loving a Lady and dreaming of spending the rest of their lives with her. Michael Owen the former Liverpool and England striker was forced to pay his ex-wife Louise Owen a whopping £2.5 million ($3.5 million) following their 2012 divorce. This was separate from the £1 million he spent on legal fees. Ray Parlour the former Arsenal midfielder was embroiled in a bitter divorce battle with his ex-wife Karen, which cost him over £10 million ($14 million) in total. The couple’s assets were split equally, with Karen receiving half of Parlour’s wealth, including his £2.5 million ($3.5 million) mansion. Steven Gerrard the former Liverpool captain suffered the same; he paid his ex-wife Alex Curran a £2 million ($2.8 million) settlement following their divorce in 2015. The couple had been married for eight years and had three children together.
Again, the reason someone might be struggling with their mental health is personal, and it could be down to anything from past trauma to a life-changing event, such as divorce.
Research has shown that one of the most common triggers for mental health problems in men is the breakdown of a marriage: Men are twice as likely to suffer from divorce-related depression than women. A thing many Women and the general society in general are not aware of.
Statistically, it has been proven that when a marriage ends, it’s women who will initiate divorce proceedings around 61% of the time. Whether it’s because the pair are mismatched as a couple, have less of a need for interdependence, or it is due to a caregiving and childcare mismatch. Their decision to divorce their partner can sometimes catch men off-guard, in one word, unreasonable and unthinkable. Which means it is preemptive. It is something well planned ahead of time which the man is not aware of.
Unlike their ex-partner, they’ve had no time to process the idea of divorce and contemplate their future as a divorcee. Plus, if the divorce papers came out of the blue, they’re unlikely to have a Divorce Solicitor in place to support them through the legal process. This will feel overwhelming and, understandably, create feelings of turmoil, stress, and anxiety.
Divorce is an emotional roller coaster ride that changes a man completely. It leaves him drained and exhausted of his emotions and throws his entire life into upheaval. After all, putting an end to a marriage is never easy. Divorce is considered to be the second most stressful event in life, after the death of a loved one.
While men may experience an initial sense of relief, the euphoria quickly fades away and makes way for stress, anxiety, and post-divorce depression.
Though most of us believe that it is the women who suffer the most during the divorce, the claims are far from reality. Divorces are equally hard on men and not just on women alone; and significantly affect their overall health, happiness, and life. Divorce has a more negative connotation for men than women. They suffer more in silence and are likely to develop feelings of resentment and hopelessness after divorce.
This article throws light on how divorce changes a man and what men can do to get over the grief of a broken marriage and make a fresh start.
In the U.S., an estimated 39% of marriages end in divorce. While some couples reconcile during their divorce proceedings, others decide to part ways due to irreconcilable differences. Some of the main reasons for divorce include: Infidelity, Lack of commitment, Financial instability, Differences in opinion, Domestic violence, Interpersonal conflict, Marrying too young, Substance overuse
Irrespective of what causes a marriage to fall apart, the pain of a broken marriage is hard to endure. It often leads to isolation and depression. While we are often made to believe that men adjust to the new normal quickly and easily, it is not true. Most men, instead of being happy about their newly found freedom, feel lost and abandoned. They are unable to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and move ahead.
Here’s why a man suffers more than a woman both during and after their divorce is legally solemnized:
Women are generally considered emotionally weak and vulnerable. They are given ample time to grieve and come to terms with the lost relationship. They are even advised to seek professional help from a therapist to cope with their grief and loss.
Men, on the other hand, are expected to “push through” the loss. They are expected to quickly brush everything off, get over their grief, and move ahead in life. They are never given enough time to come to terms with the loss of love and relationship.
They are not expected to cry and vent their emotions. Because of this, men never heal. All their emotions – anger, sadness, resentment – remain bottled up. This often leads to anxiety and depression and hampers their health, happiness, and overall quality of life.
Men usually build a small support network around them. They are not emotionally as close to their extended families and friends as women. In fact, for all the emotional support in the world, they mostly depend on their wives. So when they go through a divorce, men often feel lost, alone, and alienated. They find it difficult to fully express and share their sorrow and unhappiness with people, including their parents, siblings, and long-time friends.
Women, on the other hand, have stronger social connections. They confide in their friends and family for emotional support. They are more likely to join support groups or pick up new hobbies to feel better. These social interactions help them heal and move on in their life in a much better way.
Divorce is always a two-way game. Both the husband and the wife are mostly responsible toward the end of the relationship. But it is always the man who has to bear the brunt. So even though a man might be a caring husband, he is often considered to be the reason behind the ‘failed’ marriage and divorce.
Due to this, their mental health takes a hit. Guilt, shame, and anxiety are often the most noted symptoms. If not attended to promptly, they can lead to stress and depression that can last for days to months to sometimes years.
Men feel that it’s because of their fault that the marriage didn’t work. But to overcome grief and loneliness, they often try to find solace in new relationships – much before they are ready to move on. Even if they can find love again, they always carry the emotional baggage of their failed relationship. They often find it difficult to emotionally connect with their new partner and are mostly unsure of their choices. The result? The relationship never grows beyond a certain point and is not emotionally satisfying either.
Divorced women, however, take the other route. They give themselves ample time to heal and grow before embarking on a new relationship. They do not rush into relationships like men and are happy in the company of their friends and family. This makes their future relationships successful and lasting.
Our family makes up a large part of who we are. They form a critical part of our lives. But when a divorce happens, men lose most of it – the spouse, the children, the familial bond, and the happiness. The custody of the children is often given to the mother, while the father only gets the visitation rights. The changing family dynamics are devastating and often take a toll on men’s mental and physical well-being. After all, empty nests make no one happy, and adjusting to a new living arrangement is not easy.
But that’s not all. After divorce, a man often finds it difficult to adjust to his surroundings too. His social life changes and staying in the same old company becomes difficult, especially if he has always been a part of the ‘couple’s group’. He may either have to make new friends or find solace in people who are either unmarried or divorced.
Even though the man is willing to take care of the children, it is the mother who gets the custody, especially when the children are small. Getting separated from children can affect a man in more ways than one. He starts feeling worthless. Missing important milestones in his children’s lives can leave him anguished and resentful. This, in turn, can lead to a lot of health issues, including stress, anxiety, and depression.
Sometimes, men may take forever to untangle themselves from their spouses, due to the financial implications and changing family dynamics. They have to financially support their ex-wives even after divorce, even if she is an independent working woman. If the children are involved in the divorce process, a substantial portion of a man’s income is allocated for their upkeep. Managing two households becomes extremely difficult for men and they are forced to adopt a lower standard of living. And this, in turn, affects every aspect of their life.
It is commonly observed that men experience a sharp decline in health after divorce. This is often due to their poor lifestyle and less active routine. To escape loneliness, men often engross themselves in work. Some even resort to poor eating habits as well as smoking and drinking to overcome sadness. This leads to aggravated health problems, like:
Divorced men are more likely to suffer from cancer and heart disease.
Due to poor eating habits, divorced men are more likely to experience extreme changes in their health and weight.
Divorced men often undergo severe emotional turmoil. They may feel angry at one time and sad or depressed the next.
They also suffer from regret, loneliness, disappointment, denial, and guilt. Such strong emotions often take a toll on their mental health.
Men undergoing and even after their divorce are more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, and insomnia (inability to sleep).
Due to physical and emotional health issues, their immune system gets weakened. They are more likely to suffer from colds and flu than others.
Even the mortality rate for divorced men is significantly higher than that of married men.
While it would be wrong to say that divorce changes every man in the same way, the emotional and psychological effects of divorce cannot be undermined. Knowing how to handle the stress that divorce brings along can help you stay positive. It can help you avoid depression, anxiety, and other illnesses and diseases.
While divorce may seem like the end of the world, it isn’t. There’s always hope for new possibilities and a fresh start. All you need is some time and a concentrated effort to move ahead in life.
While men may feel too depressed after divorce, they must take comfort in knowing that there’s always a possibility of rebuilding their lives. Here are some steps that can help:
Divorce is the loss of the relationship and you have a right to grieve it. Men, you don’t have to man up for everything in life. So, take your time to overcome your loss. Heal at your own pace and move on in life only after you feel comfortable.
Stress takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul. Eating a healthy diet can help you recuperate and rejuvenate. Foods that are rich in omega fatty acids can help you fight stress, anxiety, and depression. So, drop your unhealthy eating habits and make way for nutrient-dense fruits and greens.
Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones that can help you cope with stress and anxiety. It uplifts your mood, energizes your body, and calms your senses. Exercise helps you feel better, sleep better, and live better.
When depressed, being around people would be the last thing you’d like to do. But it’s the best thing you can do to feel better. Not only would you be able to vent your feelings but your friends and family can help you add a new perspective to your life. So, instead of isolating yourself, go out and socialize with your loved ones. You would feel a lot better.
When going through a divorce, consulting a professional counsellor is the best thing you can do for yourself. Professionally trained and highly experienced, divorce counsellors can help you overcome stress, anxiety, and depression. By analyzing your marriage and divorce, they can arm you with coping skills to help you quickly get over your divorce and move ahead in life.
In conclusion, based on my experience and deeply emotional perspective on the theme of love, trust, and the impact of divorce, both personally and on a societal level. Divorce can indeed be a traumatic experience for many individuals, and it brings with it a complex array of emotional, mental, and financial challenges. It’s important to recognize that every person’s experience is unique, and while some may feel betrayed and experience immense pain, others may come away with a sense of relief or empowerment. My narrative references several high-profile cases and statistics that underscore the financial implications of divorce, especially for men. It’s valid to express these concerns, as societal norms can often contribute to a sense of injustice or imbalance. However, it’s also essential to remember that love and trust are intricate facets of human relationships. While certain experiences may lead individuals to feel jaded or distrustful, it’s important to approach future relationships with an open heart and mind. Ultimately, healing and moving forward after such an experience requires introspection, support, and understanding. Whether it be through therapy, connecting with friends, or engaging in self-care activities, taking the necessary steps towards recovery is crucial.
Moral lesson, USE YOUR HEAD.
Sam Adeoye can be reached at +2348037723500. All you have to do to have him teach in your church or fellowship is just a phone call.
Thank you