By Sam Adeoye
A successful marriage I’d come to realise requires falling in love with same person many times over. As a matter of fact, it should be something you renew every time you close your eyes to sleep and you open it back to life, always with the same person. But how can you successfully do that when something that is meant to lift you turns out to be the very tools to your destruction, then it is no longer God that invented it by Man.
Over the years, I’d heard several Men and Women of God both in the church and outside the church claiming that God instituted marriage. And every Woman that wants to succeed in life should be under Man. A lie and a wrong teaching that had misled and destroy so many homes and marriages. On the contrary, it’s both Man and Woman that needed each other to succeed not just the Woman.
One, God did not create man to be superior to the Woman. Never. God created Man and Woman equally, same day and this was established in Gen 1:26-28 where it was said that; then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
The word ‘Man’ in this context means Male and Female in the same body. Which today we called ‘Hermaphrodite’; a person that has both Male and Female sexual organs.
Now, the people God created Gen 1:27 where it was recorded that; ‘so God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them’ are spiritual not physical. And it was the spiritual people God created that He gave dominion to first in Gen 1:28 where it was recorded that; ‘then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Please pay attention to the word that says; ‘then God blessed them’ not then God blessed the Man. And all these while, the ‘Hermaphrodite’ called ‘Man’ that God created only exist in the spiritual realm not in the physical. Human beings did not and does not exist until Gen 2:7 where it was said that; ‘and the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
To form and to create are two different thing. While to form is to make something as a type or kind of it; I mean when something can exist or happen in several possible ways, you use form to refer to one particular way in which it exists or happens. To create on the other hands is to cause it to happen or exist.
So, what God did in Gen 1:27 was to cause the existence of mankind and in Gen 2:7 He formed a type or kind of what human being should be to that without Him haven to go through the process all over again human beings can easily exist or happen in several possible ways as we now have in the world today such as sexual intercourse, donor insemination, in vitro fertilization and many others.
The Man God created was invincible, he only exist in the spiritual realms. But the Man God formed was physical. He could see, feel and touch. But has no life in the Man that was formed. Then in Gen 2:7 it was recorded that; the Lord God breathed into the nostrils of the Man He had formed, the breath of life; and Man became a living being.
The breath that the Lord breathed into the nostrils of the Man He had formed, that is referred to as the breath of life; is the Man, the Hermaphrodite; the Male and Female sexual organs in one body that the Lord had created in Gen 1:27.
Now, God if God created the Man as an Hermaphrodite; having both Male and Female sexual organs in one body, as it was said in Gen 1:27 that; so God created Man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; Male and Female He created them. This means God is an Hermaphrodite. Hard to believe, but it’s true. If it is not, there is no way we’ll be having such caliber of individuals in the world today.
Now, because God does not live or operate in the physical, it is easier for God to live comfortably as an Hermaphrodite; but for the Man He had formed, it was not that easy. First, he found himself in the world that had never existed before. Secondly, he himself had never been in existence before physically, but right within him was a system that had been in existence for ages, so, there were internal struggles. Even though the internal struggles within the formed Man could not be altered, it could be felt and God did felt it because the created Man that was deposited in the formed Man was directly connected to God.
So, in Gen 2:18-19, 20-22; God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” …for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
What God did here was to separate the two sex organs in one body into two. The bible used the word ‘made’. The word made is the past tense and past participle of make. Which means the word we’re looking for is ‘make’ meaning kind or variety. So, what God did was to provide Adam with someone of his kind. Not someone to dominate and rule over.
In Gen 1:28, God blessed the Man He created; which was a combination of a Male and Female sexual organs in one body; and God said to them, “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.
When God took a rib from the first formed Man to make another person of his kind, the rib that God took is the life for multiplication. That is why no Man can multiply without a Woman and no Woman can be fruitful without a Man.
To be fruitful in life, you need a Man in your life. To multiply in life, you need a Woman in your life. To fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion the Man and the Woman coming together in union must be ready to be committed to one another and be willing to submit themselves to one another, and this was well spoken of in Eph 5:15-31 when Apostle Paul said that; see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Now, even though, it’s sounds good reading this, calling the Woman a Wife and Man a Husband. The truth is, God never created Man and Woman to be Husband and Wife. What God created was a Man and his kind. And one is not superior or inferior to the other. They’re both equal before God.
However, in Gen 2:19-20 it was said that; out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. So Adam had already used to giving names to whatever God made. So, when Eve was made and was brought to him, Adam was quick to named her a Woman and a Wife saying in Gen 2:23-24; “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. “Therefore a Man shall leave his Father and Mother and be joined to his Wife, and they shall become one flesh.’ I wondered why Women are the ones leaving their Father and Mother and not the Men as it was stated in the Bible?
So many questions around this verse.
How did Adam get to know about a Father and Mother when he never had one?
How does Adam get to know who a Wife is when he’d never seeing anyone been a Wife or husband before?
How did Adam get to know what marriage is when he had never seeing anyone married before?
In as long as you continue to believe in this unfounded lies that God instituted marriage and a Man is the head in a marriage, and the wife must submit to him even when your head is correct as a Man; you’ll continue to have issues not just martially but as well as in your life. And to make a progress in life will be a very hard one.
Marriages and homes are destroying today because of the so many wrong and evil ideologies of what marriage is. In Col 3:18-19 Apostle Paul said; wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
But I do tell people, it’s rubbery when you place submission before love. Women are very easy to catch if you love them for real. You don’t have to ask for the submission, they’ll automatically submit themselves to you without you asking or demanding for it. But when you don’t love them and you still want to lord it over them that you’re the head and they must submit to you; my dear, that’s your free ticket to eternal sorrow. The reasons why so many Men are not progressing in life is a result of this. Sir, learn to humble yourself. That Woman you called your Wife is far more powerful than you are spiritually and without her support, you will continue to live in poverty. Even God cannot create the heaven and the earth without the help of Lady Wisdom.
In Proverbs, Wisdom is referred to as a Lady. In Prov 8:22-31, Lady Wisdom was talking about her union with God saying; “the Lord possessed me at the beginning of His way, before His works of old. I have been established from everlasting, from the beginning, before there was ever an earth. When there were no depths I was brought forth, when there were no fountains abounding with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills, I was brought forth; while as yet He had not made the earth or the fields, or the primal dust of the world. When He prepared the heavens, I was there, when He drew a circle on the face of the deep, when He established the clouds above, when He strengthened the fountains of the deep, when He assigned to the sea its limit, so that the waters would not transgress His command, when He marked out the foundations of the earth, then I was beside Him as a master craftsman; and I was daily His delight,
Rejoicing always before Him, rejoicing in His inhabited world, and my delight was with the sons of men.
I love the way The Message Bible puts it saying; “God sovereignly made me — the first, the basic — before he did anything else. I was brought into being a long time ago, well before Earth got its start. I arrived on the scene before Ocean, yes, even before Springs and Rivers and Lakes. Before Mountains were sculpted and Hills took shape, I was already there, newborn; long before God stretched out Earth’s Horizons, and tended to the minute details of Soil and Weather, and set Sky firmly in place, I was there. When he mapped and gave borders to wild Ocean, built the vast vault of Heaven, and installed the fountains that fed Ocean, when he drew a boundary for Sea, posted a sign that said, No Trespassing, and then staked out Earth’s foundations, I was right there with him, making sure everything fit. Day after day I was there, with my joyful applause, always enjoying his company, delighted with the world of things and creatures, happily celebrating the human family.
Ask yourself, can your wife be bold enough to say that you made her? How could you when you don’t even allow her to be herself. Her life is based on what you want and how you want what you want. Anything outside what you want will result into you beating her blue black. You will rather keep her mute around you than to see her glowing and helping her glowing will help you shinning. You’re only killing yourself.
Is the woman in your life — the first, the basic — before you do anything else? If God can be so wise to make Lady Wisdom the first, the basic before he does anything, I don’t see any reasons why any reasonable should not do the same. Many people, this includes Men and Women don’t consult or discus things with their spouse before they embark on it. That is evil and pure wickedness. Funny enough, that’s the reason why you’ll always fail even if you think you’re willing.
Lady Wisdom was so proud, she said; I was brought into being a long time ago, I arrived on the scene before Ocean, yes, even before Springs and Rivers and Lakes. Can your spouse, I mean your husband or wife be bold to tell that he or she is the first to know about what you are doing or about to do?
Is your spouse aware of the plans you have for your marriage?
Are you carrying your spouse along even to the minute details of your financial or future plans?
Are you giving your spouse the needed opportunity lay a firmly marital foundations for your children?
I can go on and on. But the fact I’m trying to establish is the fact that you cannot do it alone all by yourself and in as long as you continue to believe that your wife should be subjected to you, trust me, you’ll never have the best of that marriage.
Marriages are failing and falling apart these day because there are no proper foundations laid for a successful marriage. Pentecostal Churches in particular had destroyed so many lives and destinies with their wrong teachings of playing wealth and money above marriage Godly marriage. Some Pastors had gone as far as telling their church members never to marry a Guy that doesn’t have money. So a Lady that had never worked in her life is all out searching for a Guy that will be buying her Three Hundred Thousand Naira Human Hair even when she doesn’t know what the Guy is doing for a living.
Some Guys out of shared stupidity and trying to impress a Lady will foolishly get themselves into criminal activities and frauds. The very reasons why some individuals are in prison today or get themselves involved in money ritual. Trying to impress someone that doesn’t like them with the resources they don’t have. The day someone made you to do what you don’t have the capacity to do will be the very day you’ll begin to diminish.
I did a little digging to the divorce rate across the world and I discovered that…
Religions and Denominations Divorce Rates
Catholic 19%
Protestant 51%
Mormon 9%
Jehovah’s Witness 9%
Orthodox Christian 9%
Born Again Christian 33%
Muslim 8%
Jewish 9%
Hindusim 5%
Buddhism 10%
Sikhism 6%
Wicca/Pagan 1%
Atheist 2%
Funny enough even the Muslims that the Born Again Christian are quick to attack and named as to be whatever even have far marital success rate of 8% than they are, 33%. This is for you to know that marriage is not about religion but about the individuals that had chosen to live together as husband and wife.
Even the Jewish are 9%; other underrated religions are far more successful in marriage than the Christian faiths all together. Hindusim is 5%, Buddhism 10%, Sikhism 6% and Atheist 2%. Wicca/Pagan blew my mind, 1%; and yet these are the people we Christians considered to be sinners and not serving God. Shame on us all. If we the Christian that claimed to know God and serving God, including believing so strong that marriage was constituted by God cannot keep our marriage and make it work. It’s a shame on us all. It so funny to see that even our Pastors cannot keep their marriages. That is what happened when marriage is based on a faulty foundation. When we believe all the wrong things to be the right thing.
As far as I can tell, a marriage will survive if…
…you can allow your spouse to be himself or herself.
…be open to one another.
…respect each other’s space.
…tolerate and accept one another.
…protect one another both from internal and external forces.
…support each other’s dreams and visions.
…discus everything and plan everything together.
…keep religion out of your marriage.
…see each other as equal and not superior or inferior.
…respect each other’s decisions.
I strongly belief that great marriages are partnerships based marriages. You can’t have a great marriage without being a partner to your spouse. You can’t be treating your spouse as nobody and you expect him or her to treat you as somebody. It’s not going to work like that.
Yes, it’s not compulsory that your marriage and love for each other is like that of Romeo and Juliet. It really doesn’t matter. Your marriage and relationships with your Husband or Wife could be like that of Tom and Jerry; teasing and fighting each other, but still cannot live without each other. That is marriage. That is relationship. That is accepting one another. That is creating a bond that’ll last forever.
Your spouse should be able to identify you and recognize you as his or her best friend, the greatest support, the biggest comfort, the strongest motivation, the truest smile, his or her deepest love, the favorite, the forever. You must have your spouse’s back and he or she has yours. Anything short of these is a dead mission from the unset.
You must tell yourself the reality of life. It’s delusional to belief that there is a perfect marriage. Where will you get that when there are no perfect human and the Lord that created human Himself regret creating human beings as it was said in Gen 6:5-6 that; the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. So, if the Lord that made Human beings was sorry for making them, and was grieved in His heart; then you should know that there is no such cozy combination as man and wife. There’ll always be a turbulent. You and your spouse will disagree on many things but you must you must make it a priority; absolutely in agreement to never, ever give up on each other. See yourself as work in process and never a complete product.
- Pastor Sam Adeoye, a columnist with SUNRISE NEWSPAPER can be reached on address above.