Men attend women for two reasons, sex and love, but in most cases, men do not marry for sex or love, they marry for stability.
Men’s motivations for marriage can vary, but stability is indeed a common factor. Here are some insights:
EMOTIONAL STABILITY
- Men often seek a partner who provides emotional support and stability.
- A stable relationship can help men feel more secure and grounded.
FINANCIAL STABILITY
- Men may seek a partner with financial stability or security.
- Sharing financial responsibilities can reduce stress and increase feelings of stability.
FAMILY AND SOCIAL STABILITY
- Men may desire a partner who shares their values and goals for building a family.
- A stable family life can provide a sense of belonging and social connection.
PERSONAL GROWTH AND STABILITY
- Men may seek a partner who supports their personal growth and development.
- A stable relationship can provide a foundation for self-improvement and self-awareness.
While stability is an important factor, it’s not the only reason men marry. Other motivations may include:
Love and companionship
Desire for children and family
Social and cultural expectations
Personal fulfilment and happiness
Keep in mind that every individual is unique, and motivations for marriage can vary greatly.
However, a man can love you and not marry you. A man can have sex with you for years without marrying you. But immediately he finds someone who brings stability to his life, he marries her.
Men are visionaries when they think about marriage, they do not think about wedding dresses, bridesmaids, or anything the woman thinks is fanciful. They think that this woman can build me a home.
Women are tender, they can receive and reproduce. You give her groceries, she prepares a meal, you give her money, she gives you peace, you give her sperm and she gives you children. You give HER discomfort, she becomes your worst nightmare and most men know it. This is why a man can stay with a woman for years and meet another in a month, then get married.
It’s the stability they want.
Sex is pleasure, love is affection, and respect is stability.
In a recent Podcast interview hosted by Nedu and the gangs; a Nigerian Actor and Comedian Okey Bakassi stated that the word Bride Groom means “a man who can groom a Lady to become a Wife”. Saying “the Man must groom a Lady to become a Wife I find this statement is insulting and insensitive.
It is not in your place as a Man to groom a Lady to be a Wife. That is controlling.
It is the responsibility of a Mother to train her daughter on what it means to be a friend and a Wife to her husband and what it means to be a Mother to her children.
A Father must train his Son on what it means to be a friend a Husband to his Wife and a Father to his Children.
Back in the days in Africa and even among the Jews, Women are not permitted to train their Sons. It is the duty of the Fathers and so also, Men are not permitted to train their daughters, it is the duty of the Mother.
But how could all these be when Women are the ones training both their daughters and sons and the father is somewhere wasting away?
There is nothing anyone can do to help a Woman or a Lady who doesn’t know or have what it means to be a Wife. This Okey statement is not fact.
However, there are some key qualities and characteristics that many men look for in a lady they want to marry
Emotional Maturity
A woman who is emotionally stable, secure, and can healthily manage her emotions.
Intelligence and Wisdom
A woman who is intelligent, wise, and can hold meaningful conversations.
Kindness and Empathy
A woman who is kind, compassionate, and can understand and support her partner.
Authenticity and Honesty
A woman who is genuine, honest, and true to herself and her partner.
Physical Attraction
A woman who takes care of her physical health and appearance, and with whom her partner feels a strong physical connection.
Shared Values and Interests
A woman who shares similar values, interests, and goals with her partner.
Support and Encouragement
A woman who is supportive, encouraging, and believes in her partner’s abilities.
Independence and Confidence
A woman who is independent, confident, and has her own identity.
Family and Parenting Values
A woman who shares similar family and parenting values, and is committed to building a strong family unit.
Communication and Conflict Resolution
A woman who can communicate effectively, healthily resolve conflicts, and maintain a positive relationship.
Sense of Humor and Playfulness
A woman who has a good sense of humour is playful and can bring joy and laughter to the relationship.
Respect and Admiration
A woman who respects and admires her partner, and is committed to building a strong and healthy relationship.
Of course, every man is unique, and what one man looks for in a partner may differ from another. Ultimately, the most important thing is finding someone with whom you share a deep emotional connection, shared values, and a strong foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Before thinking of marriage, there are some essential qualities a Lady should consider possessing before thinking of marriage.
PERSONAL QUALITIES
Emotional Maturity
Ability to manage emotions, conflicts, and relationships healthily.
Independence
Financial, emotional, and mental independence to maintain a healthy relationship.
Self-Awareness
Understanding of one’s values, goals, and expectations.
Confidence
Self-assurance and confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.
Resilience
Ability to cope with challenges, setbacks, and failures.
INTERPERSONAL QUALITIES
Effective Communication
Ability to express oneself clearly, listen actively, and resolve conflicts.
Empathy and Compassion
Ability to understand and support one’s partner.
Conflict Resolution
Ability to manage and resolve conflicts healthily.
Active Listening
Ability to listen attentively and respond thoughtfully.
Teamwork and Collaboration
Ability to work together with one’s partner.
PRACTICAL QUALITIES
Financial Literacy
Understanding of personal finance, budgeting, and money management.
Time Management
Ability to prioritize tasks, manage time, and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Domestic Skills
Basic knowledge of cooking, cleaning, and household management.
Health and Wellness
Commitment to physical and mental health.
Adaptability and Flexibility
Ability to adjust to changing circumstances and priorities.
SPIRITUAL AND MORAL QUALITIES
Integrity and Honesty
Commitment to truthfulness, transparency, and moral integrity.
Values and Principles
A clear understanding of one’s values, principles, and non-negotiables.
Spiritual Growth
Commitment to personal spiritual growth and development.
Gratitude and Appreciation
Ability to express gratitude and appreciation for life’s blessings.
Forgiveness and MercyAbility to forgive oneself and others, and show mercy and compassion.
While no one is perfect, possessing these qualities can help a lady build a strong foundation for a healthy, fulfilling, and successful marriage.
Likewise, as a Man, there are some essential qualities a Man should consider possessing before thinking of marriage.
PERSONAL QUALITIES
Emotional Maturity
Ability to manage emotions, conflicts, and relationships healthily.
Responsibility and Accountability
Willingness to take responsibility for actions and decisions.
Self-Awareness
Understanding of one’s values, goals, and expectations.
Confidence and Self-Assurance
Self-assurance and confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.
Resilience and Adaptability
Ability to cope with challenges, setbacks, and failures.
INTERPERSONAL QUALITIES
Effective Communication
Ability to express oneself clearly, listen actively, and resolve conflicts.
Empathy and Compassion
Ability to understand and support one’s partner.
Conflict Resolution
Ability to manage and resolve conflicts healthily.
Active Listening
Ability to listen attentively and respond thoughtfully.
Teamwork and Collaboration
Ability to work together with one’s partner.
PRACTICAL QUALITIES
Financial Stability
Ability to manage finances, and provide for oneself and one’s family.
Time Management
Ability to prioritize tasks, manage time, and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Domestic Skills
Basic knowledge of cooking, cleaning, and household management.
Health and Wellness
Commitment to physical and mental health.
Adaptability and Flexibility
Ability to adjust to changing circumstances and priorities.
SPIRITUAL AND MORAL QUALITIES
Integrity and Honesty
Commitment to truthfulness, transparency, and moral integrity.
Values and Principles
A clear understanding of one’s values, principles, and non-negotiables.
Spiritual Growth
Commitment to personal spiritual growth and development.
Gratitude and Appreciation
Ability to express gratitude and appreciation for life’s blessings.
Forgiveness and Mercy
Ability to forgive oneself and others, and show mercy and compassion.
LEADERSHIP AND PROVIDER QUALITIES
Vision and Purpose
A clear understanding of one’s purpose, goals, and vision.
Leadership
Ability to lead, guide, and provide direction.
Provider
Ability to provide for oneself and one’s family.
Protector
Ability to protect and care for one’s loved ones.
Role Model
Ability to model positive values, behaviours, and character.
While no one is perfect, possessing these qualities can help a man build a strong foundation for a healthy, fulfilling, and successful marriage.