By Sam Adeoye
Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, put yourself in the person’s shoe and feel the hurt. Before you speak ill of others, think. Human Begins are always of the habits of judging others without necessarily finding out why they do what they do. Of every single person on the earth there is a story. Judging people before you truly know them is evil. Some people’s stories are too surprising to destroy you totally if you’re the one in their shoes. For the facts that they survived it, simply means they’re destined for it. This also means, that from the beginning of time, before they were ever born, it was already in-scripted in their destiny and purpose in life that such a thing will happen to them whether they like it or not. Judging them with the same or condemning them with such is therefore a sin of your path and evil against God and humanity.
In Matthew 7:1-5 Jesus Christ said; “judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
He repeated the same in Luke 6:37-38 saying; “judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Reading this in New King James Version of the Bible must not sound so interesting. But reading the same in The Message Bible will open you up to deeper understandings because of the simplicity of the words used. Jesus Christ said in Matthew; “don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
Apostle Luke gave same account of Jesus Christ saying “don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. 38 Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back — given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”
An average Human Being is liable to pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults and condemn their actions and decision. But the truth is; you never know what people are going through. Each person you see, meet or touch has a story to tell good or bad; and your being judgmental is not going to change anything, rather it’s going to complicate things.
Against many believes that a good wife can only be found in the place of worship such as Church or Mosque, that is not true and it can never the truth. Bishop David Olaniyi Oyedepo founder of Winners Chapel met his wife inside Bus. Dr. Babatunde Sindiku Bakare founder of Citadel Community Church met his wife in the Banking hall when he went to the Bank to get New Notes for his friend who was getting married. Dr. Samuel Adesanya Adeyemi founder of Daystar Christian Centre met his wife right in his office. The wife was engaged to a Guy, she brought the Guy to her Pastor to introduce him as the Man she wanted to marry. After the introduction, the Guy ended the courtship; she again cried to her Pastor for prayers, but instead, she met with a marriage proposal and the rest is history.
One of the reasons why so many people in the world today are not married is because of the so many lies they’d been told that their husband or wife must be of the same religion “faith” with them; that is a lie, a pure lie.
I’d said it before and I’ll keep saying it. Religion is a system of controlling the fools and keeping the poor under. You cannot find purpose in life and fulfill destiny if you hold on so tight to religion and you believe and do everything your religious leaders are telling you or teaching you. Vice President Yemi Osinbajo was not just a Politician or a Senior Advocate of Nigeria; he is a Pastor in the Redeemed Christian Church of God, and not just a Pastor, but one of the A List Pastor in the church. But still, he’s daughter Oludamilola is married to Oluseun Bakare, the son of Hajia Bola Muinat Shagaya. Vice President Yemi Osinbajo knows what the religious minds don’t know and he is using the same for his own advantage.
Over the years, I’ve heard it over and over again from religious leaders telling and warning their members never to marry anyone that is not of the same religion with them or of the same denomination with them. For example, as a Christian you must not marry a Muslim or as a Pentecostal you must not marry a member of church such as Cherubim and Seraphim Church or Celestial Church of Christ. Catholic Church, Jehovah Witness and Seven Days Adventist don’t even want to hear that you want to Marry someone that is not of the same Denomination with them, you are automatically become an outcaste. They will treat you in such a manner that you won’t have any other choice than to let go of the Relationship or Marriage even if it was ordained by God.
Now, let’s slip-lit the Bible open and face the fact. Abraham is from an idol family and marries Sarah from the same family; then God cut a covenant with Abraham and told him to leave that family. By every standard Abraham supposed to keep away from the family because he now has a relationship and a covenant with God that the rest of his family does not have. But guess what. Abraham sent his servant to get a wife for Isaac from the same idol family and the trend continued.
Isaac’s wife…..is from an idol worshipping family.
Jacob’s wives…..are from an idol worshipping family.
Joseph’s wife…..is from an idol worshipping city Egypt.
Moses second wife was from Ethiopia she’s never from an Israelite.
Rehab the Prostitute who later became the great grandmother of Jesus Christ was from Jericho not Israeli.
Ruth the grandmother of King David who later became the great grandmother of Jesus Christ was a Moabite, the very enemies of the children of Israel.
Many a times, we expect God to sign and zeal what we want based on our religious mindsets and believes. Unfortunately, God doesn’t work like that. He has already mapped out His plans for each and every one of us; and altering the plans means altering so many people’s lives and destinies just to please you. Well, such can happen but at the end of it all, it lays greater demands on your life. You better be sure of what you are doing before you embark on such.
I’ve said this in the past, if your husband or wife is a member of another Faith or Denomination and you are basing your choice of who to marry on your faith, you might have to wait for a long time; and I’m so sorry, you might die waiting. I’m not cursing you I’m just stating facts.
Only the fools get married based on their religion. The wise, chose their spouse and get married based on purpose and trust me, those purpose has nothing to do with their religion even if they are of the same faith.
Again, let’s look at the marital life of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu. He is a Muslim, the wife is a Christian. Former Minister of Works and Housing; Sir. Babatunde Raji Fashola is a Muslim and the wife is a Christian and both of them are very committed to their faith and the issue of religion had never been a thing of issue between them. Neither do their religious leaders sees anything wrong in their choice of marriage and instruct them to end the union. If you think marriage works or succeed base on same faith, then you’re a fool. Marriage succeed when characters and attitudes are in check, it fails when all cautions are thrown into the air and believe that the other persons emotions and feelings is nothing but something that should be trashed.
Tina Turner was once married to a fellow Christian; Ike Turner, who was beating her and molesting her at will. She later left the marriage and stated dating Erwin Bach a practicing Buddhist. When Tina Turner was sick and needed Heart Transplant, Erwin Bach the practicing Buddhist donated his Kidney for her. I wondered what Ike Turner, the practicing Christian would have done in such situation. I want to believe Tina Turner would had died a long time ago if she had remained in marriage with him. Any marriage or union that is void of love is bound to lead you to your early grave. It’s as simple as that.
Every human being on earth is ignorant of one thing or the other. But the killer of human ability is not the ignorance, it’s never the ignorance; but failure to recognize that he or she is ignorance and the willingness to take the necessary steps to get rid of the ignorance.
Character and faith are never the same. The fact that you belong to a particular faith doesn’t make you are good person or a bad person. So also, the fact that someone is a Christian or Muslim like you doesn’t mean that the person is a saint. And dealing with people base on your faith will only blindfold you and deny you the opportunity to really know who the person is. The reality of every human is never in their faith but in their characters, attitudes, behaviours and actions. Words are cheap as chips and Salsa dance. Anyone can say anything to suite any situation or circumstances just to get what they want. But beyond words are the things that made us and define us from others.
People paid so much attention to what people say and the faith they both share and totally ignored the making of the person they’re about to strike a lifetime commitment with. Friends, faith doesn’t change people stop deceiving yourself. Circumstances and situations of life changes people; and to some, determination to live better and do better forced them to change; and if the angels of God can change from being good to being evil, then human beings are no exceptional.
Marital crisis is never a religious crisis. I’ve seen Christians marrying Muslim and have a happy home and I mean happy and beautiful marriage than a Christian marrying a Christian or a Muslim marrying a Muslim. In my years of experience, marital crisis is a character defects crisis and unwillingness to accept one’s spouse as he or she is.
I remembered a family friend, who was trying to reconcile a matter asking me how come no one knew what I was passing through in the marriage and still did not use the same again her. I looked straight into his eyes and I said; “you don’t complain of cold standing in the rain. If you don’t want the cold, get out of the rain”. With rain comes cold, breeze, thundering and flood. I’m sure you know that none of those are pleasant to experience. But in like manner, with the rain also comes a cool and calm atmosphere, one that gives you an unexplainable sensation that if possible you don’t want it to end.
So also, with love comes pains, heartbreaking and disappointments; and with marriage all these are multiplied in multiple folds due to character defects of the husband, the wife or both of them. The only thing that will sustain you is your willingness to either accept the person as he or she is and remains sane or get out of it before you became insane.
If you marry a good person and the person later change to be evil, don’t be too quick to judge or blame the person, please do the following and please be sincere with yourself…
Check yourself. You might be the reason why the person changed. People change towards you when you’ve changed toward them.
Check the situations and circumstances happening in the house, marriage or relationship. Situations and circumstances of life change people. Someone once asked me if I’ve always been this gentle, humble, respective and considerate and I said no. Something changed me from whom I used to be to what I am not.
Check the association. The people your spouse associate with matters most. And it also depends on who your spouse is. Some people can be easily influenced while some are not. Whichever one, pay closer attention and don’t complain about your spouse’s associations; instead, respectfully make him or her to understand that such an association might not help both of you and that if the people are bad, or good, be part of the same association so that you can both grow together.
Character is everything in life and a person with no character is a person with no future.
Now, should a Christian date a Muslim? Or should one date before marriage? The answer is yes!
I once heard someone saying “Christians don’t date. The Bible regulates the Christian’s life”.
Hearing that threw me off the seat and I think and strongly believe that the statement is one of the reasons why Christian marriages are filled with lies, errors, pretence, cheating and all kinds of evils. Divorce statistics made it clear that the Born Again Christians have the highest level of divorce rate. The report went further to say that; “the last actual research done on this group was by the Barna group in 2008. It showed the divorce rate for those Born Again was 33 percent. However, it should also be noted this group had the highest marriage rates at 84 percent.”
What is responsible for the Born Again Christians having the highest marriage rates at 84 percent is because of sex and this is a great error and the error is because of the wrong teaching of Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8 where he said that; ”I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried (singles) and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
The Message Bible says; “I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.”
This is a huge error and any marriage that is based on sex or child bearing will never last no matter how hard you tried to patch it. Marriage should be based on love, understanding one another, willingness to be there for one another, sacrifice and protection for one another. Rushing into marriage because of sex, loneliness or companionship is purposeless. You don’t have to rush into marriage with anyone no matter who that person is. People pretend a lot in the beginning of either friendship or relationship if you base your decision of them on what you see; and that you are likely to regret it for the rest of your life.
Dating gives you the opportunity to know whom you are getting married to, his or her characters, attitudes, backgrounds, ways of life, money management, time management, anger management, people management, parents, the family background, his or her ways with God, reasoning capacity and perspectives and understanding of marriage and you; how is he or she sees you; before you decide if you are compatible or not. Anyone that will not subscribe to dating before marriage should be excused from you; the person is endangering to your wellbeing; the person is hiding something.
In Eccl 10:10, King Solomon said; “remember: The duller the axe the harder the work; use your head: the more brains, the less muscle.” Christianity doesn’t stop you from putting your brain to work. Neither does it stop you from asking God questions. Abraham, Samuel, Moses, David, Jeremiah and several others in the Bible questioned God. Not for disobedience, but for clarifications. That is putting your brain to work.
The only thing that will make you not to put your brain to work is if God or the person you are married to, or about to marry to or the religion you belong to had scrambled your brain as it was said in Isaiah 19:14-15 saying; “God has scrambled their brains, Egypt’s become a falling-down-in-his-own-vomit drunk. Egypt’s hopeless, past helping, a senile, doddering old fool.
If you are not hopeless, helping, senile and a doddering old fool then put your brain to work and work faster than your legs can carry you. Date that person in your life regardless of the person’s religion, denomination and background for as long as you can to be double sure of what you are getting into before you say I do.
Now, if you cannot take religion out of your love life and focused on the person not his or her religion or your own religion, you might likely fall into the hand of a wrong person all in the name of wanting to marry someone of the same faith with you.
Let’s be realistic with ourselves. The truth is, there are bad and worse people in the Church or Mosque than the ones you found on the street, in the Clubs or even in the brothels. And for your information, most of the people found in such places are either Christians or Muslims; and on the sideline, they also do traditional to support their hustling. That’s just the facts of life.
A Lady going to the Club or Joint is not necessarily there to prostitute herself or she is bad in character, just as you finding a lady in the Church or Mosque doesn’t necessarily mean that she is a saint or possessed the quality of a good wife.
Finding a man or a woman in a place of worship doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is the right or best person for you. Some of the people you find in such places are evil and pretenders. Don’t misquote me; religious places are never for the saints, especially the Pentecostal churches. Religious places are reform institutions, organisations setup to reprogramme individuals that had missed their path in life and in destiny. It’s a place where the notorious, bad and evil individuals are trying to make a new live, a place where the person is in the process of turning from evil to a new ways of life; a process that always takes forever to attain. And Jesus made this clear in Matthew 9:12-13 saying; “those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” In Mark 2:17 saying; “those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” Even in Luke 5:31-32 saying; “those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
You must understand the facts that there are good people everywhere and there are bad persons everywhere; the question is which one are you, good person or bad person. A person prostituting herself or himself doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she is a bad person. There are 99.9% possibilities that this person might be a good person but situations and circumstances of life beyond her or his control pushed the person to the point of sharing her or his body in bed with people just to make a living.
There are so many good ladies in the universities all across the world that are prostituting themselves just to see themselves through university and get a degree; and there are so many good guys that had found themselves doing the unthinkable including having it all good with high profile society ladies of all class just because they want to be a graduate and have a good life.
There is a need for us an individual to start seeing people beyond the physical appearances before we conclude about there persons or character. John Mark Green said; “the self righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets”. I love what Brownell Landrum said that “surprises are everywhere in life. And they usually come from misjudging people for being less than they appear.”
In conclusion, there are no perfect human beings or saint persons anywhere in the world no! Neither is there a bad or good person. Situations and circumstances of life make someone to be either good or bad. So before you nailed down the person, find out what makes the person to be what he or she is as at the moment you met her or him.
Though, not all the time, but sometimes, good attitudes from you as a person can help the other person to change for good. So also, bad attitudes from you can turn a saint in your life into a monster. Work on yourself and deal with yourself. Everything is not about religion, fasting and prayers. Sometimes/all the time we need self discipline.
Friendship and humanity above religions, politic, cultures, traditions, nationalities, languages and other evil vices are the main problems of our society and world at large; if we can silence all these vices, when a Pastor can marry a Muslim sister based on love and not religion and an Imam can allow his daughter to marry a Christian brother without any form of bigotry, then our world will be a better and greater one for all.
I still stand on one simple fact; all religions in the world are man’s creations not God’s. God created human beings not Christianity, Islam or any other religions. The way forward in life is never through religion, culture or traditions, the way forward in life is to love your fellow human beings as Jesus Christ said; “love your neighbours as yourself,” he said. He went further to say that; “how can you say that you love God when you don’t love your neighbour” not when you don’t love your religion. Loving people not religion is the way up in life, don’t let anyone keep lying to you.
Wake up..!
- Pastor Sam Adeoye lives in Lagos. He can be reached on the phone number on his column.