There are two scriptures many people misapplied and to a greater extent, it affected their lives
negatively. One of that scripture is Matt 5:43-48 which says; “You have heard that it was said,
‘You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless
those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you
and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on
the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who
love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet
your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so?
Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
The second scripture Is Matt 22:37-40 where Jesus said, “’You shall love the Lord your God with
all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ On these
two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
This concept of loving one’s neighbours just as one’s self had misled so many people into selfdefeating and self-destruction. To a larger extent, it had killed so many people and left others in
anxiety and religious stupidities clothes in manipulations and threats from some quarters. You
have no right to deny yourself some comforts just because you want to make some people feel
comfortable and well taken care of.
The greatest manipulation of all is the words of Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:11 where he
said; “If we have sown spiritual things for you, is It a great thing if we reap your material
things?” We’re not under any obligation to take responsibility for any human beings except the
sick. It is the duty of every human being to take full responsibility for their own life including the
Men and Women of God. Denying yourself of some pleasure or comfort to take care of their
needs is you been unjust to yourself most importantly when you don’t have enough to take care
of your personal needs.
The majority of us are so good with the act of manipulation that we have several examples in
the Bible to prove their act, and one such is Luke 21:1-4 where it was said that Jesus “looked up
and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow
putting in two mites. So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than
all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty
put in all the livelihood that she had.” And the majority of us are so quick to fall for it. Most of
our acts of generosity are simply an act of foolishness.
I woke up this morning and I remembered one of the important people in my life who is no
longer alive today and I felt so bad. I met this Man in my former area when I wanted to buy a
Car back in 2012 for my Ex and we became brothers; I call him Uncle Tee.
He was a Muslim, honest and straightforward person. Sacrificial and committed to a course.
Gentle and stubborn. Once he made up his mind on something, you cannot change his mind. He
was a good Man I must say.
This Man has an Elder Brother and a Niece who are struggling with Mental illness and live in his
house, along with his Wife and Children. He bought their Medications and fed them. Two
grown-up Men.
Every day, Uncle Tee was responsible for over Ten people to feed them and provide for their
needs and he has two daughters in the University.
One day, Uncle Tee came to my house in the middle of the night alongside one of his daughters
and sons to ask me for money and food to feed his family.
Because I didn’t want my Ex to know what was going on, I went out to meet Uncle Tee, gave me
some Cash and I said to him; “stop taking responsibility for your Elder Brother and your Niece. If
they know where to put food in their mouth and how to be with a Lady in Bed, then they are
okay not sick anymore”. If you die today, these people will take care of themselves and continue
with their lives.
Uncle Tee refused to listen to me. Telling me straight to my face that they are his
responsibilities. He kept giving me excuses and how God commanded that the strong should
help the weak. I walked him to his house that night and I left. That was on a Thursday night.
Saturday night/Sunday morning that same week, Uncle Tee died in his sleep. I went to his house
and saw him lying lifeless on the Bed in his room. I felt bad.
Well, the same Elder Brother and Niece he was buying N19,000 medications for each every
month left the house to only God knows where and abandoned Uncle Tee’s Wife and Children.
If Uncle Tee had listened to me, maybe, just maybe he would have been alive today.
Love your neighbor as yourself was what God commanded not love your neighbors more than
yourself. The majority of us put other people’s matters on ourselves and end up destroying the
beautiful lives and souls God had given us as offspring because of our foolishness.
There are huge differences between helping someone and taking full responsibility for
someone. Helping someone generally refers to providing assistance, support, or guidance to
enable an individual to become more independent or overcome specific challenges they may be
facing. This involves objectively analyzing the situation, taking an active role In addressing the
issue at hand, considering the person’s personal circumstances, and making decisions
collaboratively.
On the other hand, taking full responsibility over someone implies that you assume complete
control, accountability, and decision-making power regarding that person’s life or actions. This
involves taking charge of their well-being, making all choices on behalf of the individual without
their cooperation, and intervening unilaterally whenever necessary.
The main differences between helping and taking full responsibility for someone are:
Empowerment: Helping aims to empower the individual by enabling them to manage their
situation independently. Full responsibility, on the other hand, may lead to the
disempowerment of an individual by not allowing them to be active participants in finding
solutions for themselves.
Autonomy: Helping involves respecting the autonomy and choices of the person being assisted,
while taking full responsibility for someone curtailing their autonomy in favour of your decisions
for them.
Collaboration: Helping fosters a collaborative approach, based on mutual understanding and
respect between the helper and the person being assisted. In contrast, taking full responsibility
doesn’t require collaboration or consultation with the person concerned, as decisions are
mostly imposed.
Dependency: In a helping role, there is recognition that the person being helped has inherent
strengths and capabilities, while taking full responsibility perpetuates a dynamic of dependence,
where the individual relies entirely on another person for their needs.
It is important to note that the appropriateness of the level of responsibility taken is situationdependent. While wholly taking responsibility might be justified in emergencies or cases
involving someone unable to make decisions (like children), long-term intervention or control
can potentially hinder personal growth and restrict the process of becoming self-reliant.
However, our well-being matters most in the event of things even though the concept of
personal wellbeing all depends on the context and individual circumstances. It is generally
praised when individuals exhibit selflessness and prioritization of others’ well-being. However,
constantly sacrificing one’s well-being can have negative consequences in the long run, both for
the individual and for their ability to effectively help others.
There are situations where it is both noble and necessary to prioritize someone else’s well-being
over our own, such as cases involving dependence or emergencies. For example, parents often
prioritize their children’s well-being in important decisions to ensure their safety, development,
and happiness. Additionally, healthcare professionals often prioritize the well-being of their
patients by investing significant time and energy into their work.
Although it seems virtuous to prioritize others’ well-being, it is equally important to maintain a
level of self-care and self-preservation. We cannot continuously pour from an empty cup, as
neglecting personal well-being can lead to burnout, compassion fatigue, and resentment.
Conditioning ourselves to understand personal limits and engage in self-care activities
ultimately lays a strong foundation for us to effectively help and support others in the long run.
Therefore, finding a balance between caring for others and caring for oneself is crucial. In some
cases, finding creative ways to integrate one’s own well-being along with the well-being of
others can lead to a win-win situation. It’s pertinent to remember that prioritizing self-care,
setting boundaries, and understanding personal limitations are key factors in sustaining the
choice to care for others for extended periods.
It is therefore essential that you help yourself before you help others. Helping yourself before
helping others is a vital approach to ensure your own well-being, energy, and ability to
effectively support and assist others; and this Jesus Christ indirectly called our attention to when
He said in Matt 7:3-5 saying; “why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not
consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the
speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank
from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Whenever I read Matt 7:3-5 in the context of helping others, this is what I read; “why do you
help your brother, when you are in a similar situation and cannot help yourself? How can you
say to your brother, ‘Let me help you with you with food and some cash when you are hungry
yourself and have no money to sustain yourself? Hypocrite! First, take care of your own needs,
and then you will have enough strength to help your brother. A Yoruba proverb says, “If you and
your child are cut up in fire, rescue yourself first before you rescue your child.”
There are steps to take to prioritize self-care; and trust me, you need it.
Self-reflection: Gain self-awareness by reflecting on your own needs, values, and limitations.
Take a moment to understand your physical, emotional, and mental state and determine what
areas require attention and self-care.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them effectively with others. It’s
essential to distinguish between helping and overextending yourself. Learn to say no when it
becomes necessary to protect your well-being.
Self-care routine: Create a routine that incorporates activities and practices that promote your
own well-being. Engage in activities that recharge you, such as exercise, meditation, reading,
creating art, taking nature walks, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Seek support and guidance: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends for emotional support
or to seek professional help if needed. Talking about challenges and seeking guidance from
others can provide a new perspective and potential solutions
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the acceptance and kindness you would extend to
others. Celebrate your achievements, be understanding of your limitations, and practice selfforgiveness when faced with perceived shortcomings or setbacks.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Prioritize your physical well-being by getting adequate sleep, eating
well-balanced meals, and engaging in regular physical exercise. These factors significantly
contribute to higher energy levels and mental clarity, both required for effective assistance to
others.
Take dedicated time off: Allow yourself regular breaks and time for relaxation, vacations, or
recreational activities to recharge and avoid burnout.
By adopting these strategies, you nourish your own well-being so that you can bring your best
self to the task of assisting and supporting others. Remember, caring for yourself is not selfish
but a necessary pre-requisite to effectively care for others.
Having said all this, the next thing is for you to plan your spending. Planning your spending can
involve several steps and strategies to ensure financial stability and achieve your financial goals.
Here are some steps to consider when planning your spending:
Assess your income and expenses: Start by evaluating your total income from different sources,
such as salary, freelance work, or investments. Next, list all categories of expenses, including
fixed expenses (rent/ mortgage, bills) and variable expenses (entertainment, groceries). Analyze
your bank statements to get a clear picture of your spending habits.
Create a budget: Allocate specific amounts of money for each category to establish a budget
that includes both necessities and optional items. Ensure your total expenses do not exceed
your income. Allocate a portion of your Income for savings and emergencies. Utilize budgeting
tools or apps that can help you track your income and expenses efficiently.
Prioritize your needs and wants: Distinguish between essential needs and discretionary wants.
Make sure the necessities are adequately covered before determining allocation for want-based
spending. Be mindful not to overspend on unnecessary or impulsive purchases.
Set financial goals: Determine short-term, medium-term, and long-term financial goals. Set
specific targets within each goal. This could involve saving for emergencies, retirement, a down
payment on a house, or paying off debts. Establishing specific goals can incentivize saving and
help guide spending decisions.
Track your spending: Regularly monitor your spending against your budget using financial
management tools or apps. This allows you to track any deviations, identify spending patterns,
and make adjustments accordingly. Stay alert to manage any expenses that exceed your
budgeted amount.
Plan for irregular or unexpected expenses: Consider expenses that don’t fall within your
monthly budget or account for unexpected costs. Allocate funds for periodic expenses like car
maintenance, insurance premiums, or holiday gifts.
Control impulse spending: Avoid impulsive or unnecessary purchases by enabling a cooling-off
period before making significant expenses. By giving yourself time to consider whether the
purchase aligns with your needs and goals, you can differentiate between impulsive desires and
financially sensible. Decisions.
Seek value for money: Prioritize value while making purchases. Compare prices, research deals,
conduct price-matching, and become an informed buyer. Evaluate the potential longevity,
usability, or practicality of a purchase and opt for quality over short-term gains.
Adjust and adapt as necessary: Monitor your budget regularly, reassess expenses and incomes,
and adjust your spending accordingly. As circumstances change or if you’re not meeting your
savings goals, re-prioritize spending or identify areas where expenses can be reduced.
By actively planning your spending, tracking your expenses, and aligning them with your
financial priorities and goals, you nourish fiscal discipline and pave the way for financial stability
and future financial freedom.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that not everyone can help financially in every
situation. While it is natural to have the desire to assist others, financial limitations and
individual circumstances can make it difficult to provide help to everyone who may need it. Here
are some important factors to consider when it comes to helping others financially:
Assess your own financial situation: Before extending financial assistance to someone, evaluate
your own financial standing and consider if you are in a position to provide support without
jeopardizing your own stability or future goals.
Set boundaries: Determine your limits and establish boundaries when it comes to financial
support. Understanding your personal financial goals and values can help you decide who and
how much you are comfortable contributing.
Focus on sustainable support: It is often more effective to provide sustainable support that
promotes long-term independence for the recipient. This may contribute to their education,
skill-building, or creating opportunities for financial empowerment, rather than just temporarily
addressing immediate financial needs.
Empowerment through non-financial support: Recognize that other forms of assistance can be
just as valuable as financial help. Offering emotional support, and advice, or connecting
individuals to resources, networks, or opportunities can be incredibly beneficial.
Allocate resources judiciously: Selectively. Allocating a portion of your financial resources may
allow support for those in genuine need while still prioritizing your financial stability and future.
Consider alternative methods of assistance: Besides direct financial support, offer help through
volunteering, mentorship, or advocacy in relevant causes to maximize your impact.
Communicate your limitations, be transparent with those seeking financial support about your
constraints and express open dialogue about alternative options for useful contributions or
other external resources that might be available/
It’s important to consider the bigger picture and strive for a balanced approach to assisting,
taking into account your financial limitations and the long-term impact of your support.
Additionally, encouraging and facilitating self-sufficiency can lead to a more sustainable and
equitable way to help others over time.
I’ll leave you with Prov 21:20 which says; “There is desirable treasure, and oil in the dwelling of
the wise, but a foolish man squanders it.” Another translation says; “Wise people live in wealth
and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it.” Stop spending your
money on people who care less about your well-being.