By Sam Adeoye
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” — Romans 12:21Let me speak to you heart to heart.Someone once asked me how I find it so easy to forgive. They assumed forgiveness came naturally to me, as if it were a personality trait or a spiritual shortcut I mastered early in life. I smiled, because the truth is this: forgiveness did not begin for me as strength. It began as exhaustion. It began when bitterness had taken so much from me that there was nothing left to defend.Forgiveness is not the absence of pain. It is the refusal to let pain become your identity.
THE FIRST QUARTER: WHEN BITTERNESS BECOMES A PRISON
I lived the first quarter of my life angry—deeply angry. Angry at my parents. Angry at my siblings. Angry at my family. Angry at society. Angry at systems. Angry at life itself. I carried questions no one answered and wounds no one acknowledged.
And because I did not yet have language for healing, I chose resentment as my companion.I thought my anger was justified. I thought it made me strong. But bitterness is deceptive. Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
What the scripture calls a “root,” I was calling a defense. I did not know roots grow silently, underground, until they choke everything else.Years passed, but I was not moving. I was breathing, aging, working—but inside, I was stuck on the same emotional spot. Bitterness froze time. It replayed old conversations, old offenses, old disappointments. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” My heart was not at peace, and my soul felt the decay.Hear me clearly: bitterness does not punish those who hurt you. It punishes you for trusting them.
THE SECOND QUARTER: DISCOVERY THAT BREAKS THE HEART
Then came the second quarter of my life—the season of discovery. This is the stage many people avoid because discovery demands honesty. I began asking deeper questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I meant to do with this one life God has given me?In that process, something painful happened. My eyes opened. I realized that I had wasted a huge portion of my life being angry at individuals God was using—sometimes unknowingly—to shape me.
I was resisting tools God was using to refine me. Genesis 50:20 suddenly made sense: “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”That realization shattered me. Not because people were innocent—but because I had given them too much power. I had allowed offenses to define my direction. I had surrendered years of my destiny to resentment. Hosea 4:6 says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
I was not destroyed by what happened to me; I was destroyed by what I did not understand.Discovery is painful because it reveals responsibility. Not blame—responsibility. It forces you to admit that while you may not be responsible for the wound, you are responsible for the healing.
THE THIRD QUARTER: THE HARD WORK OF REPAIR
Then came the next quarter—the most difficult season of all. Repair.This is where forgiveness stops being a sermon and becomes surgery. Repairing relationships. Adjusting expectations. Apologizing where necessary. Forgiving where apology never came. Accepting people as they are, not as I wished they were.Let me tell you the truth many won’t tell you: forgiveness is costly. It demands humility. It demands maturity. It demands that you release the right to be vindicated.
Jesus said in Matthew 18:21–22 that forgiveness is not counted—it is continuous. Not because people keep deserving it, but because your soul keeps needing freedom.Some relationships were restored. Others were not. And that was another lesson: forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peace is my responsibility; outcomes are not.In this season, I learned that boundaries are not bitterness. Distance is not hatred. Letting go is sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for others.
THE FINAL QUARTER: PURPOSE REQUIRES A CLEAN HEART
Now I stand in what I call the last quarter of my life—not in age alone, but in clarity. I have chosen how I want to live. I have chosen what I want to spend my remaining strength on.
I have chosen purpose over pain.I live to help others discover who they are, just as I discovered who I am. But hear this: you cannot heal others while bleeding bitterness. You cannot guide people into freedom while chained by anger. Jesus said, “Physician, heal yourself” (Luke 4:23). Before you pour out, you must be clean inside.This is why I no longer carry resentment.
Not because people stopped offending—but because I stopped allowing offenses to rent space in my soul. Ephesians 4:31–32 instructs us to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness is not about them; it is about becoming like Christ.
LETTING GO OF PERFECTION AND EMBRACING PEOPLE
I no longer expect perfection from anyone. Expectation is often the birthplace of disappointment. Psalm 118:8 reminds us, “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans.” People are human. Flawed. Limited. Learning.I love people not because they agree with me, but because they are made in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:27).
I refuse to reduce human beings to religion, tribe, culture, or nationality. When you see people through labels, love becomes conditional. When you see people through God’s image, compassion becomes natural.Jesus loved across boundaries—race, belief, gender, morality. If I claim to follow Him, my heart must stretch where His stretched.
A WORD TO YOU, MY READER
Let me speak directly to you now.What bitterness are you carrying that is costing you years? Who hurt you that is still controlling your emotional climate? What offense are you rehearsing that God is asking you to release?
Forgiveness will not change the past—but it will redeem your future. Isaiah 43:18–19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing.” God cannot do a new thing in a heart that refuses to let go of old poison.Forgiveness is not weakness.
It is strength under control. It is choosing to overcome evil with good—not because evil deserves it, but because your soul does.I forgave because I wanted my life back. I forgave because I wanted my destiny unstained.
I forgave because I refused to let yesterday sabotage tomorrow.And so I say to you: choose freedom. Choose healing. Choose life. Overcome evil—but do not lose your soul in the process.Sam
Adeoye is a Coach, Counselor, Pastor, Therapist, Writer
