SEX

By Sam Adeoye

Scientifically it has been proven that it is normal to not be in a mood for sex as a person be it a Man or Wife for some periods. This is because our level of spontaneous sexual desires; the frequency and intensity with which we think about and desire sex without being ‘provoked’ by something sexual, fluctuates a fair amount throughout our lives. These fluctuations are due to all sorts of biological, psychological, and relational factors.

So, the fact that you are married doesn’t mean that you’ll enjoy Sex with your partner and this is the very reason I feel so sorry for those that got married because of Sex just because Apostle Paul said it in the Bible and they think that wanting to have Sex and not having anyone to have Sex with is enough reason for them to get married. Well, that’s a marriage that is built on a faulty foundation.

The fact that something is written in the Bible doesn’t mean it is right. Get that straight.

In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Apostle Paul gave two wrong pieces of advice saying; “but I say to the unmarried and the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

One, Apostle Paul is not the standard for anyone to live his or her life. He is not in any position to tell anyone to remain single as he was. That was his choice and personal decision. It doesn’t mean it’s what is right and acceptable for everyone.

Two, telling someone to get married because of Sex is wrong and misleading advice. That is a marriage that is based on sexual attraction, not love. It will never last and the more you try to make it work, the more frustrated you will get.

I love what Michele Weiner Davis, a US Therapist said, “Too many people confuse sexual attraction with love and that can lead to a short-lived marriage.

The novelty of being with someone will turn on anyone. When the sexual attraction wanes, if there’s no mutual trust and a joint view of the future, the marriage fades as well.

Sexual attraction between two people is a good thing and energizes the marriage. But if the foundation isn’t based on strong communication and shared values, the chances of a long-lasting marriage based solely on sexual attraction aren’t good.

And this is one of the major reasons why we have so many single Mothers out there. Ladies have enormous power to control their sexual desires, except during their ovulation; a larger percentage of Men don’t and this is the main reason why it is easier for Men to lose their brains when their sexual urge is higher than they can control or handle.

To a Man, his desire to have Sex with a Lady is interpreted as him loving the Lady. Consciously or unconsciously he’ll tell the Lady “I love you” and the Lady will believe him simply because the lifeline in any Lady Is love. Love is everything about their life. Saying it to them even if you don’t mean it sets them on edge. Many Men know the fact and use it against the Female Gender just to take advantage of them and have Sex with them.

However, not wanting to have sex with one’s partner is very common for sex in long-term relationships to go through different phases, including some in which one partner doesn’t want to be intimate or feels like they don’t like sex with their partner.

Even though the internet and video calling have provided couples with alternatives, of sharing wonderful moments Sexually, the danger it will cause in the marriage is far higher than the momentary enjoyment they both have. Most importantly when either of them is having trust issues. Thinking about what they are doing together via video call, the partner is either doing the same with someone else or meeting with someone in person whenever they’re apart.

Marriage, relationship or friendship without trust will never last.

Religion and lack of awareness made us misplace and misinterpret so many things. Most especially things that have to do with the intimacy with the opposite Sex.

For instance, the Ten Commandments in the Bible are not the Ten Commandments for the church or the entire Human race. The Ten Commandments are for the children of Israel and the children of Israel alone.

Yes, applying it might profit you in some cases, but not applying it will not destroy you either as the Bible have records of individuals that do not keep to the commandments and god still fulfilled His promise to them. One of such is Prophet Elijah, King David and King Solomon the list goes on.

In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Apostle Paul said, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?

For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which is God’s

There is nothing called sin against your own body. The word sin is delusional.

Let me also make it clear that this post is not a liberty for anyone to live his or her life carelessly; but at the same time, many people live in denial. Even though we were being told daily to keep away from sin, the majority of the people still get Involved in such and somehow are still so quick to condemn others or act to be more perfect and saint.

The word Sin In Hebrew means “chatta’ah” and in Greek “chatta’th” means “an offence” something habitual

Offense: is a crime that breaks a particular law and requires a particular punishment.

Habitual: a habitual action, state or way of behaving is one that someone usually does or has, especially one that is considered to be typical or character of them. Therefore, until an act becomes habitual, I mean until something becomes the state, way of behaviour or character it is not a sin.

Jesus Christ therefore said in Matthew 12:31-32 “Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men.

Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.

This is both the sins you have committed, the ones you are committing right now and the ones you will commit in the future. Jesus Christ said you are forgiven of them all.

Now, you need to ask yourself if truly sin is real. In Psalms 51:5 King David said; “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and sin, my mother conceived me.”

Reading just verse Five will give us some vital information needed to secure the future and the life God has for us.

Let’s analyse Psalms 51. And for clarity’s sake, this is a Psalm of King David when Nathan the prophet went to him after he had gone into Bathsheba.

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your loving-kindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight—that You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge.

This is King David identifying himself with his limitations, accepting responsibility for his actions and seeking for God to help him. Yes, he was reprimanded by Prophet Nathan but he never allowed the prophet or his actions to come between him and his God.

Can you do the same?

Are you doing the same?

Or you are too busy with the sayings of another Man that hold no water to what you will become and are destined to become in life?

King David continues, Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and sin, my mother conceived me.

King David recognized the source of his making, the very foundation of his existence. He did not condemn it, he did not deny it. He recognized it and identified with it. That is the first step in the right direction to have a solution to your life issues.

So many people lie to themselves. They deny the very foundation that anchors their existence and still want God to bless them and fulfil his promises for their lives; no way.

Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

Ephesians 6:2-3 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Even if your father is an armed robber or your mother is a street prostitute, so long they’re the ones God used to bring you into this world, God said to honour them that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. This means when you fail to honour them, then it will not be well with you and you may not live long on the earth.
No wonder so many people are wasting away in the church. Nothing is going well for them and a larger percentage of them die at an early age, due to wrong teachings technically tailored to turn them against their parents. So many people in the church are even ashamed of their parents. What a shame.
Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part, You will make me know wisdom.
This is King David recognizing the fact that he knew that some things were not right, but he just can’t excuse himself from it.
Apostle Paul throws more light on this in Romans 7:14-17 saying; “for we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
Jesus Christ was right when He said in Matthew 26:41; Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Friends, once the flesh is weak, there is nothing you can do to help yourself.
I love the way the Message Bible puts it saying; Stay alert; be in prayer so you don’t wander into temptation without even knowing you’re in danger. There is a part of you that is eager, and ready for anything in God. But there’s another part that’s as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.”
The old dog here is what you’d been in the past. It’s never that easy to erase that. It took God Eighteen years to erase the slave and rejection mentality from David. But while God was erasing him of one attitude and mentality, another was growing in him.
There was no record of David having anything to do with any Lady or getting himself involved in some unlawful acts until the mentality of associating with the animals was taken from him. You think you are holy and perfect, wait until your status changes.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
ByHere, King David was seriously letting himself out to God for cleansing and restoration. A thing majority of us need to live a fulfilled life rather than burying our heads in shame or being affected by whatever anyone has to say to us, about us or against us because of what we do or are doing.
King David went further to say, Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You.
Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— these, O God, You will not despise.
Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; build the walls of Jerusalem.
Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
King David recognised his sin. His sin was not sleeping with Bathsheba, which is considered adultery or fornication. His sin was ordering the killing of Uriah. That is why he said, “Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed”.
To understand what King David was saying here, we have to visit Isaiah 59:1-8 which says; behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear.
But your iniquities have separated you from your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He will not hear.
For your hands are defiled with blood, and your fingers with iniquity; your lips have spoken lies, your tongue has muttered perversity.
No one calls for justice, nor does any plead for truth. They trust in empty words and speak lies; they conceive evil and bring forth iniquity.
They hatch vipers’ eggs and weave the spider’s web; he who eats of their eggs dies, and from that which is crushed a viper breaks out.
Their webs will not become garments, nor will they cover themselves with their works; their works are works of iniquity, and the act of violence is in their hands.
Their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed innocent blood; their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; wasting and destruction are in their paths.
The way of peace they have not known, and there is no justice in their ways; they have made themselves crooked paths; whoever takes that way shall not know peace.
The worst sin ever Is one that takes another human life. Whatever you do as a Man or Lady to keep yourself mentally, physiologically, emotionally or physically stable is never a sin.
I once told a friend that, of all the living things that God created, only Human beings need marriage to have Sex and children. Every other living creature doesn’t need marriage to have Sex or children; and that is the reason why you hardly see them killing their kind, unlike Human beings that will pray, fast and consult spiritualists just to get married and after the Wedding, they’ll become strangers or enemies to each other and still be living under the same roof. That is living with the enemies.
The marriage they pray, fast and so all kinds of spiritual atonements to get into will suddenly become a prayer point again to either get out of it or for God to touch the heart of the Husband or the Wife depending on who had become the Devil between the two.
This situation has led too many people into depression and early grave. And yet some still believe that marriage was instituted by God, I have my doubts on this. Adam made Eve a wife, not G’d. Adam instituted marriage, not God. It is well.
Marriage is good I believe when it happens between two people that have each other’s interests at heart. Marriage is wonderful when it helps you to achieve your aims and objectives in life. Not when it destroys you and renders you useless.
I watched Benny Hinn’s short video talking about Sex and he quoted Hebrews 13:4 which says; Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
I love the way the Message Bible puts it saying; Honor marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
He went further to say tha’’ Sex within marriage is Holy. Sex is for marriage he said and marriage alone.
That I found difficult to believe.
Four out of the Twelve sons of Jacob were born to him by Bilhah and Zilpah, two Women he never married. They were maids and yet their sons are still part of the tribes pmtwo sons of the legitimate Wives were replaced with Ephraim and Manasseh.
Gideon was born out of wedlock.
David was born out of wedlock.
Timothy was born out of wedlock.
I’m sure we all know that no child can be born without Sex in those days.
History has it that the larger percentage of world changers and reformers were raised by a single parent mostly their mothers.
I’m not advocating for Sex outside marriage, but still, psychologically it has been proven that having Sex helps too…
Lower blood pressure.
Better immune system.
Better heart health, possibly including lower risk for heart disease.
Improved self-esteem.
Decreased depression and anxiety.
Increased libido.
Immediate, natural pain relief.
Better sleep.
These are the things that are killing so many people silently thinking they are well; sorry, better go for a medical check-up.
Every adult should know what is good and acceptable for him or her. I pray you will not find yourself in a situation where the Doctor will tell you to go and have Sex because it’s the only solution to your matter and yet you are single and born again.
I’m sure most people don’t know as well that there are some people whose nature is to be having sex regularly. The more they have Sex, the faster things will work out for them and even attract favour.
Don’t be surprised. This is one of the things religion has rubbed many of.
Anyway, God did not create Sex for Marriage or Marriage for Sex. Sex is for your own mental, physical and emotional being. Not having Sex can make some people mad and if you don’t know, let me tell you, mental disorder starts from depression. Clinical depression has been linked to other mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorders, panic disorder, social phobia, and generalized anxiety disorder.
Ladies, watch out for yourself, depression is about 50% more common among women than among men. Worldwide, more than 10% of pregnant women and women who have just given birth experience depression.
Watch out for yourself and take care of your life.
Sam Adeoye lives in Lagos.