Being a single mother can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining. Here are some common pains and struggles single mothers face:
EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES
Feeling overwhelmed:
Managing childcare, work, and household responsibilities alone.
Guilt and self-doubt:
Questioning parenting decisions and worrying about the impact on children.
Loneliness and isolation:
Lack of adult companionship and emotional support.
Anxiety and stress:
Financial insecurity, childcare concerns, and constant responsibility.
FINANCIAL STRUGGLES
Limited income:
Supporting a family on one income.
Debt and financial insecurity:
Struggling to make ends meet.
Reduced opportunities:
Limited education, career advancement, and personal development.
PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH CONCERNS
Fatigue and exhaustion:
Lack of rest and self-care.
Mental health concerns:
Depression, anxiety, and burnout.
Neglected physical health:
Delayed medical care and poor self-care.
SOCIAL AND RELATIONAL CHALLENGES
Social stigma:
Negative stereotypes and judgment from others.
Lack of support system:
Limited family and friend support.
Difficulty dating:
Balancing parenting responsibilities with romantic relationships.
PARENTING CHALLENGES
Discipline and boundary setting:
Managing child behaviour alone.
Role modeling:
Being both mother and father figures.
Emotional support:
Providing emotional support without a partner.
COPING MECHANISM AND SUPPORT
Seek professional help:
Therapy, counselling, or support groups.
Build a support network:
Friends, family, and fellow single mothers.
Prioritize self-care:
Rest, exercise, and relaxation.
Explore resources:
Government assistance, non-profit organizations, and online communities.
INSPIRATIONAL REMINDERS
*You are strong:
Capable of overcoming incredible challenges.
*You are loved:
By your children, family, and friends.
*You are not alone:
Millions of single mothers face similar struggles.
*Your efforts matter:
Shaping the next generation with love and dedication.
If you’re a single mother, remember that you’re doing your best, and that’s something to be proud of. Reach out for support when needed, and prioritize your well-being.
ISSUE ONE
I’ve had the opportunity to listen to so many people and I’ve also read a lot of unpleasant comments regarding Single Mothers. It breaks my heart that people are somewhat insensitive to the struggles of a lot of women.
No one decides to be a single mother just like that. Situations and circumstances of life lead to such decisions. Therefore, it is advised that we should be mindful of stereotypical statements regarding these women.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of Rape from total strangers, friends, neighbours, and even relatives. Stop being unnecessarily judgmental; you don’t know people’s stories, and you will be shocked at what some of these women endured before they took a walk.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers for survival reasons. They found themselves in bed with the bad Guy and the rest is history.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of trusting and giving their hearts to the wrong men, all in the name of love; and now, is nowhere to be found. Some men just decide to leave.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of finding themselves in a bad and abusive marriage and they have no other choice than to run for their lives.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of losing their dear husbands to the cold hands of death. So sorry to everyone that are victim of this.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of their bad characters and attitudes. I mean no disrespect but that’s just the fact.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of their inability to protect their husbands and marriage from their family. Every little thing about their marriage is aired. They have zero decorum regarding marital relationships and principles.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers because their husbands were not men enough or Men at all. “Weak men.” Always seeking validation from parents and outsiders.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers miraculously. This might be strange to you, but it’s true. I know of two ladies, who were Virgins yet got pregnant. They never had sex with any man. Hard to believe, but true.
Anyway, whatever the situation may be, it is none of your business. If you can’t love her and love her children, then leave her alone and stop judging her.
Single Mothers are humans too and blood flows in their veins.
Respect them.
ISSUE TWO
This is not an article to judge anyone, mock anyone or look down on anyone. This is an article to help someone back to reality and stop the pity party mentality.
I see so many Ladies and single mothers of one or two children lamenting their inability to cater for their child/ren and then go on Social Media to beg, and harass innocent people for money and some even go as far as trying to cover themselves for Man’s pleasure.
It’s heartbreaking and highly disappointing to see such. Some are even ready to go down with you with as little as Two Thousand Naira and I’m wondering what is the problem with these people.
You have a child or two and you’re feeling sorry for yourself, lamenting and crying all over Social Media for people to support you financially, you practically turned yourself into a Beggar and some into a Sex toy for a Man; any amount goes, just do and pay me it doesn’t read meter. I feel so sorry for you.
My mother single-handedly raised Six children until we lost one in 2001. Never for once did we see her dating another Man or begging any family members to feed us. She has no friends be they Male or Female, and the reason is very simple, she trusts no one.
We eat basic food and wear anything that can cover our nakedness. We don’t allow what others have that we don’t have to bother us. We’re not in any competition with anyone. And if you by any chance have in your possession what my mother did not make available for you, you’re as good as dead.
Now, I know the majority of you say that was then, Nigeria was far better in those days than it is now. True, it was, but in this Nigeria of today, I have a friend with five children. Two are in the University, one is about to enter university and two are still in junior school.
She has no man-friend or boyfriend, she’s not working in a multinational where she can earn millions in Salary and yet she’s living fine with her children; and she’s never a burden to anyone.
I have another friend, who single-handedly raised her only child and today that child of hers has two Masters and is working in a multinational corporation. I can go on and on.
Some Ladies have just one or two and the only thing they do is to lament and blame everyone for their situations. It’s a pity
My advice, stop making a fool of yourself, put yourself together and start putting the remaining pieces of your life together.
Go and look for work to do and be the best in what you do.
Stop living the life you don’t have and cannot maintain. Borrowing clothes to wear to parties they don’t invite you or sleeping around to get money to buy Aso Ebi you cannot afford is stupidity. Wear what you have and if you don’t have any, stay back in your house.
Stop pretending to be what you are not.
Live your life based on what you earn and have.
Make your appearance appealing and welcoming with what you have.
Stop entering Uber or Taxify when you can only afford a Bus or Bike.
Live your life to impress yourself not anyone.
Put your child/ren in Public School if you cannot afford Private School.
Wear Okirika if you cannot afford Brand New Clothes.
Do everything you can to be at peace with yourself and not yourself.
Stop making being a Single Mother a curse. What has happened has happened there is nothing you or anyone can do about it. But there are several things you can do to turn your situation around.
I hope you’ll learn and stop playing the victim card.
ISSUE THREE
Lots of Single Mothers make lots of mistakes raising their children and the only excuse lots of them have is, that the children have never been with a father before; and so?
I grew up with my Mother and my Grandmother.
There was no father, stepfather, half-father or friend-father.
No single Male around to call a father.
I was the only son out of her Six children and she trained us well.
She has two brothers who beat me up well whenever she is tired of beating me for doing anything wrong; Uncle Jamiu her immediate Younger Brother and Alfa Semiu, her Sister’s Son.
I owe both of them for being there for me.
These days I see Single Mothers preventing others from disciplining or beating their children even when the child is already sorry case.
You dare not talk back to my mother when she is talking to you. But these days, I see so many children talking back to their mothers and even insulting their mothers in public.
A child telling the mother that what the mother said or is saying doesn’t make sense; is indirectly saying that whatever the mother is saying is senseless; meaning the mother doesn’t have sense.
You dare not say that to my mother; you are a dead person. She will beat the hell out of you. You will regret ever opening your mouth to say such a thing.
As a Single Mother, you owe your children no explanations. Trying to explain everything to them and making them understand why you do or say a thing is a sign of weakness and they will use it against you and judge your decisions.
It is easier for so many children who don’t have any father figures around to manipulate their Single Mothers because they know that the mother is weak because of the love she has for them so they play her against herself.
It is not everything a child asks for that you give to the child even if you have the means of getting it for the child.
Children are greedy while growing up. They want everything. As a mother, it is in your place to say no and stick with the no.
Getting them everything they ask for will not only make them greedy; it will also make them develop an entitlement attitude. Making them believe that they have the right to have whatever they want.
I bet you don’t want your children to grow up with this attitude. Too detrimental to correct in the near future.
Not everything you eat as a mother you give your children to eat. There should be boundaries.
Sharing everything you eat with your children is indirectly programming them for gluttony and the Bible warned against this in Proverbs 23:20-21 “Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe one with rags.”
When you see a child who loves food more than anything and can never say no to food and drinks, don’t blame the child. The problem is the mother who had ignorantly programmed her to become gluttonous.
The presence of no Husband in your life to handle the children is not the issue. The issue is you not paying attention to how you are raising the children.
Most children of Single Mothers are rude, undisciplined and very arrogant.
They know that no one can touch them because they are under their mother’s protection.
Most especially if you are a Younger Man dating their Mother. They will play you both.
If you shout at them or beat them, that is a Red Flag for the Mother and she can end the relationship.
If you punish them or talk to them when they do anything wrong; they watch their mother showing a sign of displeasure. With that, they will come up with an attitude I called “switch off and on”.
One minute they are your friend and the next few minutes or hours they’ll do something else that is worse than what they did earlier.
This time, you cannot talk or punish them; their mother will fight you and claim that you hate her children. You don’t want to have yourself in such a situation.
Most of these children see you as a competition against their brain-ill father who could not even provide them with the love, care and attention you are providing them with.
A friend once told me how his stepdaughter looked at him in the face and said; “Don’t bother to buy my Ticket for a Holiday in the UK if that is the reason why you are punishing me anytime I do something wrong. My Dad will pay for the trip.”
According to him, that year, she spent Christmas and New Year alone in Nigeria. Not only that, they couldn’t leave the UK because of Covid, so she was all alone in the house during the Covid and she saw hell.
Common food her father could not afford to buy for her. And yet, she was disrespecting the very Man who was providing everything for her including paying her School fees.
After the Covid, the Man stopped paying her Five Million Naira School fee. The Mother cannot afford it either. So she was forced to attend Government School with no Car to drop her at School or bring her back home.
The Air Conditioner in her room was disconnected.
Her phone was disconnected from the WiFi in the house.
The only thing she was entitled to was food, a place to stay and soap to bath and wash her clothes.
For a good three months, she saw the other sides of life.
She ate food without Meat.
She will follow the children out for an outing and they won’t buy anything for her.
She was broken and learnt her lesson in hard way.
The Mother tries to convince the Man to temper mercy but he insists that the girl must go through it so that she can learn since she believes she is too big to be corrected.
Today, the girl is a better version of the monster the mother was creating her to be.
Pampering a child is not training a child. That is destroying a child.
A child you did not train will destroy whatever legacy you build for yourself.
You can fail in marriage, it’s fine. But never fail as a Parent.
I know so many people that grew up with their mothers as I grew up with mine who are nobody today because they were not properly brought up.
Today, the majority of them are a big disgrace to their families. Some have been killed by the Nigerian Police for whatever crime they commit.
If as a Single Mother, you have a Man in your life who trains your children and corrects them when they do anything wrong, you have a good Man in your life and you should be on his side and not camping with your children against him.
He is a Man that truly loves you and cares about what you care about.
The children are not his he could as well close his eyes off them and face you alone. After all, some Men gave conditions of not having anything to do with their step-children.
They marry the mother and abandon her children.
Men who trained another Man’s child/ren are the real Men. Respect that!
I’ll end this with Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
If you don’t want your children to curse you in the future, train them well now.
Thank you.
Sam Adeoye
