I’ve had the opportunity to listen to so many people and I’ve also read a lot of unpleasant comments regarding Single Mothers. It breaks my heart that people are somewhat insensitive to the struggles of a lot of women.
No one decides to be a single mother just like that. Situations and circumstances of life lead to such decisions. Therefore, it is advised that we should be mindful of stereotypical statements regarding these women.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of Rape from total strangers, friends, neighbours, and even relatives. Stop being unnecessarily judgmental; you don’t know people’s stories, and you will be shocked at what some of these women endured before they took a walk.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers for survival reasons. They found themselves in bed with the bad Guy and the rest is history.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of trusting and giving their hearts to the wrong men, all in the name of love; and now, is nowhere to be found. Some men just decide to leave.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of finding themselves in a bad and abusive marriage and they have no other choice than to run for their lives.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of losing their dear husbands to the cold hands of death. So sorry to everyone that are victim of this.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of their bad characters and attitudes. I mean no disrespect but that’s just the fact.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers as a result of their inability to protect their husbands and marriage from their family. Every little thing about their marriage is aired. They have zero decorum regarding marital relationships and principles.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers because their husbands were not Man enough or Men at all. “Weak men.” Always seeking validation from parents and outsiders.
Some Ladies became Single Mothers miraculously. This might be strange to you, but it’s true. I know of two ladies, who were Virgins yet got pregnant. They never had sex with any man. Hard to believe, but true.
Anyway, whatever the situation may be, it is none of your business. If you can’t love her and love her children, then leave her alone and stop judging her. Single Mothers are humans too and blood flows in their veins. Respect them.
Some women in the Bible are Single Mothers even though the Bible does not expressly refer to them as Single Mothers or recognise them as one due to the position their husbands or sons occupied in the master plans of God for mankind in their time and generation.
The first on the list was Sarah. Even though it was not said that Sarah left Abraham, the Bible made mention of two critical points that many failed to pay attention to. First, when Sarah died, the Bible said Abraham came to bury her. You don’t come to bury someone living with you. Secondly, when Abraham brought a wife for Isaac, the Bible said that Isaac took her to his mother’s tent. Which means Isaac had been living with his mother before she died.
What led to the separation of Abraham and Sarah and why does Isaac feel insecure living with him?
Even though we were made to believe that Abraham’s action to sacrifice Isaac was an act of faith, in the eyes of Sarah his wife and his son Isaac it was an act of wickedness. If Abraham had told Sarah about it before he went there is no way she would’ve agreed to such an act and if Isaac knew that he was the sacrifice he would have run away.
Abraham’s decision to sacrifice Isaac in obedience to God’s instructions led to the separation of Abraham and Sarah and when Sarah was leaving, she took Isaac with her and raised him to be the finest Man in the Bible and the only Patriarch with one wife and a peaceful chaotic family.
Mary the mother of Jesus Christ was a single Mother in her days. Joseph her husband died and left her with Six children, five boys, and one girl namely Jesus, James, Joses, Simon, Jude, and unnamed sisters. And she raised them well. Her first child Jesus became so great that to date billions of people are serving him and worshipping him as a God.
Naomi is first mentioned in the Book of Ruth who was married to her late husband, Elimelech. She lived in Judea with her husband and two sons, before needing to move to Moab due to a famine. While they were in Moab, Naomi’s husband died, and her sons married two women, one of which was Ruth. After some time had passed though, both of her sons had died and she decided to return to her homeland in Bethlehem (Ruth 1:1-5). She tells her two daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth to return to their families, but Ruth refuses to leave Naomi alone. As such, both she and Ruth go to Bethlehem together (Ruth 1:6-15).
Naomi became bitter and did not think that her life was going to get any better, after being the only one left in her family. She decided to change her name to Mara, which meant bitter (Ruth 1:20). That is why Ruth stepped up and took on responsibility for providing for both herself and Naomi when they moved to Bethlehem.
Later on in the Book of Ruth, we learn that Naomi helps Ruth to marry Boaz (who was a distant relative of Naomi’s father-in-law). Ruth and Boaz have a son, and the lineage is restored.
WHAT DOES THE STORY OF NAOMI TEACH US?
There are some lessons to learn in the life of Naomi and that is, no matter how bad things may get in our lives, we don’t know what the future may hold for us. We need to stay strong, and focus on God, and what He has installed for us. We have to put all of our faith and trust in God alone, for only He knows what is going to happen. This is something that we can learn from Naomi.
With the help of Ruth supporting Naomi, and Naomi encouraging Ruth on how to pursue Boaz, Obed was born (the father of Jesse, who became the father of King David – same lineage as Jesus).
I can understand the struggles of being a single mom, of feeling overwhelmed and lonely, too. Turn to God. He will help you through all of it.
The Widow of Zarephath is another beautiful Single Mother with greatness to her name. The story of Prophet Elijah and the widow at Zarephath is depicted in 1 Kings 17:7-24. There was an encounter between Elijah and the widow when the widow was gathering sticks with her son. Elijah enters the town of Zarephath and asks this widow for a piece of bread. The widow invites Elijah into her home and uses every last bit of her flour and oil to make bread for him (1 Kings 17:7-13). Elijah blesses the widow and her son for doing that for him and assures her that she will not run out of supplies (1 Kings 17:14-16).
A little while later, her son ends up getting ill and stops breathing. She thought that Elijah was sent from God to remind her of her sins through the death of her son (1 Kings 17:17-18). However, Elijah asks for him to have her son, carries him to the bed, and cries out to the Lord to save him and let him live. God answered Elijah’s prayers and he was alive again. The widow then believed that Elijah was indeed a man of God (1 Kings 17:19-24).
We all must learn never to be so quick to feel anger or resentment towards God. Speak to Him, read His word and allow His truth to come to you. You might be in a difficult situation, but God knows the way out. Call upon Him and seek His help and guidance.
The Biblical examples of Single Mothers in the Bible will be incomplete without mention of Hagar. The story of Hagar comes from Genesis 16; 21:1-21, and was a servant to Abraham and Sarah. Because Sarah couldn’t have children at this point, she made Hagar have sex with Abraham, and thus, became pregnant with his first-born son, Ishmael. Hagar began to despise Sarah and ended up fleeing into the wilderness. An angel of the Lord came to her and said that she should return to Sarah and submit to her. The angel also said that God would multiply her seed for she was pregnant with Ishmael. God saw her and came to her. He comforted her and gave her the right advice on what to do at this point (Genesis 16).
God later opened up Sarah’s womb and was able to give her the gift of bearing her son, Isaac (Genesis 21:1-8). Through this, Hagar and her son became a threat to Sarah because Ishmael had the first-born rights of inheritance. Sarah didn’t like this because she wanted Isaac to have it all. So, Hagar was cast out; Abraham gave Hagar a fraction of what she and Ishmael were rightfully entitled to and then decided to wander in the wilderness of Beersheba.
Being alone is never being abandoned or rejected by God. After being pushed away from Abraham and his wife. Hagar found herself alone in the desert near a spring. She was running out of food and water for both herself and her son and could see her son struggling, so she started crying. God heard her and came to her and said do not be afraid, I have heard your son struggling. He opened up Hagar’s eyes and got her to see the well of water where she was able to get more water for her son. He also told Hagar that He would make Ishmael a great nation (Genesis 21:17-21). Later on, Ishmael grew up and dwelt in the wilderness of Paran with his mother.
We all must learn this; if we or anyone of our children are struggling, God will come to us and help us out. Hagar was kicked out of her home where Abraham and Sarah were and were hardly given anything to survive. Her son was struggling, and she broke down into tears, calling out for God to help her.
No matter what kind of hardships or trials we are facing, the struggles that our children may have also, we need to cry out to God to help us. We know that through the story of Hagar, Naomi and the widow at Zarephath, our faith is the strongest weapon that we have to survive. It is something that will always get us through these difficult/uncertain times.
Even in our world today, we have some individuals who are brought up by Single Mothers; people like, Alicia Keys, Barack Obama, Halle Berry, Kanye West, Leonardo DiCaprio, Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera, Jay-Z, Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Eva Mendes, Jodie Foster, Jon Stewart, Kevin Hart, Sean Combs these are individuals with great records of achievements to their credits, special thanks to their mothers.
Single Mothers are hard-working beasts. They are both fathers and mothers to their children I salute all the Single Mothers across the world starting from my mother, the Late Mrs. Christiana Adeoye, Oreoluwa Elizabeth, Temilade Dupe, Toyin Lawani, Joy Alekwe, Tiwa Savage, Sola Ogudu, Tonto Dikeh, Kate Henshaw, Anna Ebiere, Adunni Ade, Yvonne Jegede and Bimbo Ademoye to mention few.
It is unfair when we cast stones against the Single Mothers. They did not make themselves to be one. Something led to their being Single Mothers and if we cannot heal them then we should not kill them. Casting stones against them and looking down on them even among their Gender is evil. Everyone deserves love and being a Single Mother can be depressing especially when you have no support from anyone or anywhere.
So many Single Mothers are taking their own lives because of the pain of raising the children all by themselves. Some out of the love for their children are willing to do anything including offering themselves for sexual pleasure for another Man just to have something to feed their children.
A larger percentage of sex workers in brothels are Single Mothers who leave their home town to a far city just to offer themselves in exchange for money because they want to secure a better future for their children.
This is not a post to judge anyone, mock anyone or look down on anyone. This is a post to help someone back to reality and stop the pity party mentality.
I see so many Ladies and Single Mothers of one or two children lamenting their inability to cater for their child/ren and then going on Social Media to beg, and harass innocent people for money and some even go as far as trying to cover themselves for Man’s pleasure.
It’s heartbreaking and highly disappointing to see such. Some are even ready to go down with you with as little as Two Thousand Naira and I’m wondering what is the problem with these people.
You have a child or two and you’re feeling sorry for yourself, lamenting and crying all over Social Media for people to support you financially, you practically turned yourself into a Beggar and some into a Sex toy for a Man; any amount goes, just do and pay me it doesn’t read meter. I feel so sorry for you.
My mother single-handedly raised Six children until we lost one in 2001. Never for once did we see her dating another Man or begging any family members to feed us. She has no friends be they Male or Female, and the reason is very simple, she trusts no one.
We eat basic food and wear anything that can cover our nakedness. We don’t allow what others have that we don’t have to bother us. We’re not in any competition with anyone. And if you by any chance have in your possession what my mother did not make available for you, you’re as good as dead.
Now, I know the majority of you say that was then, Nigeria was far better in those days than it is now. True, it was, but in this Nigeria of today, I have a friend with five children. Two are in the University, one is about to enter university and two are still in junior school.
She has no man-friend or boyfriend, she’s not working in a multinational where she can earn millions in Salary and yet she’s living fine with her children; and she’s never a burden to anyone.
I have another friend, who single-handedly raised her only child and today that child of hers has two Masters and is working in a multinational corporation. I can go on and on.
Some Ladies have just one or two and the only thing they do is to lament and blame everyone for their situations. It’s a pity
My advice, stop making a fool of yourself, put yourself together and start putting the remaining pieces of your life together. Go and look for work to do and be the best in what you do.
Stop living the life you don’t have and cannot maintain. Borrowing clothes to wear to parties they don’t invite you or sleeping around to get money to buy Aso Ebi you cannot afford is stupidity. Wear what you have and if you don’t have any, stay back in your house.
Stop pretending to be what you are not.
Live your life based on what you earn and have.
Make your appearance appealing and welcoming with what you have.
Stop entering Uber or Taxify when you can only afford a Bus or Bike.
Live your life to impress yourself not anyone.
Put your child/ren in Public School if you cannot afford Private School.
Wear Okirika if you cannot afford Brand New Clothes.
Do everything you can to be at peace with yourself and not yourself.
Stop making being a Single Mother a curse. What has happened has happened there is nothing you or anyone can do about it. But there are several things you can do to turn your situation around. I hope you’ll learn and stop playing the victim card.
Thank you for reading this heartfelt and thought-provoking piece. My insights on the challenges faced by Single Mothers are to illuminate the many complexities of their situations, struggles, and courage of these women and serve as a reminder of the strength and resilience they often display. As a society, we must empathize with them, recognizing that every story is unique and comes with its own set of struggles and circumstances. My emphasis on personal responsibility and the importance of self-empowerment is to highlight a path toward overcoming adversity. I believe these perspectives are crucial in fostering understanding and support for Single Mothers, as far as I can tell, they deserve respect and compassion just like the married ones rather than judgment.
The examples drawn from the Bible illustrate that even in historical contexts, Single Mothers have played vital roles and have experienced their share of hardships. The encouragement for Single Mothers to seek self-empowerment and to rebuild their lives is very important for their survival. This is to instil a sense of hope that, despite difficulties, they can find their way and stand strong. This message I believe is necessary in fostering empathy in our society. It’s important to recognize everyone’s unique story and circumstances and not to cast stones against those who are already navigating challenges.
Sam Adeoye
0803 772 3500
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