I saw a comment one Pastor made in his sermon while teaching about Marriage and Relationships in his church.
The Pastor said, “If Paul wrote letters to the churches while he was in prison, what’s your excuse for not texting your woman for the whole day?”
Reading what the Pastor said sure sounds good, but that statement was wrong, and this is the reason why so many marriages are not working. Christian marriages, especially the born-again Christian marriages, are crashing almost every day because of the errors in some of the marriage sermons that are listened to by all in the name of a clergy teaching about marriage.
Someone will read what this Pastor said here and will begin to pick unnecessary issues with her husband or the husband-to-be, not knowing that the Pastor does not know what he was talking about.
First, Apostle Paul was not writing the letters to a Woman while in prison, but to his supporters and followers who are sending him money and food while in prison.
He was writing to the people who were sending him support, appreciating them so that they could continue to give him support. He never wrote letters to those who weren’t supportive of him. And this was made clear in Philippians 1:3-11 ERV
I thank God every time I remember you. And I always pray for all of you with joy. I thank God for the help you gave me while I told people the Good News.
You helped from the first day you believed until now. I am sure that the good work God began in you will continue until he completes it on the day when Jesus Christ comes again. I know I am right to think like this about all of you because you are so close to my heart.
This is because you have all played such an important part in God’s grace to me-now, during this time that I am in prison, and whenever I am defending and proving the truth of the Good News. God knows that I want very much to see you. I love all of you with the love of Christ Jesus.
This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; that you will see the difference between what is important and what is not and choose what is important; that you will be pure and blameless for the coming of Christ; that your life will be full of the many good works that are produced by Jesus Christ to bring glory and praise to God.”
In the TPT version, the church in the Philippines was referred to as partners.
My prayers for you are full of praise to God as I give him thanks for you with great joy! I’m so grateful for our union and our enduring partnership that began the first time I presented to you the gospel.
I pray with great faith for you, because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this gracious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you until the unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ! It’s no wonder I pray with such confidence, since you have a permanent place in my heart!
You have remained partners with me in the wonderful grace of God even though I’m here in chains for standing up for the truth of the gospel.
Only God knows how much I dearly love you with the tender affection of Jesus, the Anointed One.
I continue to pray for your love to grow and increase beyond measure, bringing you into the rich revelation of spiritual insight in all things.
This will enable you to choose the most excellent way of all — becoming pure and without offense until the unveiling of Christ. And you will be filled completely with the fruits of righteousness that are found in Jesus, the Anointed One-bringing great praise and glory to God!
Was Apostle Paul writing to them because he cared for them and truly loved them, or because the people loved him and cared for him?
I believe it’s the other way round. It’s a human thing to stay affectionate towards someone who cares about you.
In my understanding of human nature, it’s very natural to stay affectionate towards someone who cares about you. When someone shows genuine care, empathy, and support, it can create a strong bond and sense of connection. This can lead to feelings of affection, appreciation, and loyalty.
Humans are social creatures, and we thrive on positive relationships. When someone cares about us, it activates feelings of safety, trust, and belonging. This can make it easier to be affectionate and nurturing in return.
In relationships where care and affection are mutual, it can become a natural part of the dynamic. People often feel comfortable showing affection when they feel seen, heard, and valued by the other person.
It is natural for a man in prison who receives money and food from people outside to develop strong feelings for the people.
Emotions
Gratitude: He would likely feel thankful and appreciative of the kindness and support.
Hope: The support could give him hope for a better future and a sense of connection to the outside world.
Motivation: Knowing that people care about him might motivate him to stay positive and work towards rehabilitation.
Actions
Letters or messages: He might write letters or send messages to express his gratitude and keep in touch with his supporters.
Reflection and self-improvement: He could reflect on his actions and work on personal growth, using the support as motivation to become a better person.
Apostle Paul proved this in 1 Corinthians 15:31, “I affirm, by the boasting in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.”
Positive behaviour: He might exhibit good behaviour in prison, following rules and participating in rehabilitation programs, to show appreciation and make the most of the support.
Response
Heartfelt thanks: He would likely express sincere gratitude to those supporting him, acknowledging their kindness and generosity.
This was very evident in Philippians 4:15-19
“Now you Philippians know also that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church shared with me concerning giving and receiving but you only.
For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities.
Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.
Indeed I have all and abound. I am full, having received from Epaphroditus the things sent from you, a sweet-smelling aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well pleasing to God.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
Updates and communication: He might keep his supporters informed about his life, progress, and any challenges he’s facing.
Philippians 1:13–14 “so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard, and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.”
Colossians 4:18 “This salutation by my own hand—Paul. Remember my chains. Grace be with you. Amen.”
Personal growth: By valuing the support, he might focus on personal growth, rehabilitation, and preparing for a better future.
A man’s actions and responses would depend on his character, values, and circumstances. However, in general, receiving support and kindness can have a profoundly positive impact on someone’s life, even in challenging situations like incarceration.
Comparing a man who has no single marital responsibility locked up in prison with a free married man who is all out fending for his family is very insensitive.
A man locked up in prison is jobless.
Let’s look at the difference between a man locked up in prison and a free married man who is doing all he can to take care of his family.
In some of the developed countries around the world, prisoners in correctional facilities typically engage in various activities to support their rehabilitation, personal growth, and preparation for potential release. These activities may include:
Counselling or therapy: Individual or group sessions to address underlying issues, develop coping skills, and work through challenges.
Education: Classes or workshops focused on literacy, GED preparation, vocational training, or other skills development.
Substance abuse treatment: Programs designed to help prisoners overcome addiction and develop strategies for maintaining sobriety.
Anger management or conflict resolution: Classes or workshops aimed at teaching prisoners how to manage emotions and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.
Work assignments: Prisoners may be assigned to work in various areas, such as maintenance, kitchen, or laundry, to develop job skills and contribute to the facility’s operations.
Vocational training: Programs that teach prisoners specific trades or skills, such as carpentry, electrical work, or culinary arts.
Arts and crafts: Some prisons offer art classes or workshops where prisoners can express themselves creatively and develop new skills.
Reading and education: Prisoners may have access to libraries, educational resources, and classes to support their personal growth and development.
Exercise and physical activity: Many prisons offer recreational activities, such as sports, yoga, or fitness classes, to promote physical and mental well-being.
Spiritual or faith-based programs: Some prisons provide opportunities for prisoners to engage in spiritual or faith-based activities, such as worship services, Bible study, or meditation.
Job training and placement: Some prisons offer programs to help prisoners develop job skills and secure employment upon release.
Life skills training: Classes or workshops focused on teaching prisoners essential life skills, such as budgeting, time management, and conflict resolution.
Reentry planning: Prisoners may work with counsellors or case managers to develop a plan for their release, including finding housing, employment, and support services.
The specific activities and programs available to prisoners can vary widely depending on the facility, jurisdiction, and individual circumstances.
Unfortunately, in some African countries, some of these are not available. Most prisons in Africa a training camps for crimes.
A free married man’s daily routine to cater for his family is different from that of a prisoner, and this also depends on his profession, family needs, and personal circumstances.
His morning routine may include exercise. Starting the day with physical activity to maintain health and energy.
In some cases, a breakfast; sharing breakfast with family to bond and discuss daily plans. Larger percentage of married men don’t have this luxury of time for breakfast.
As some of them leaves home as early as Four O’clock in the morning and do not return home until late at night. Engaging in their profession or business to earn a living, managing family finances, budgeting, and making smart investment decisions
Despite all these, some of them still find time to share quality time with their Spouse. Spending quality time with his partner, discussing goals, nurturing their relationship and caring for children, helping with homework, and attending school events.
Some men contribute to household chores, such as cleaning, cooking, or maintenance, running errands, like grocery shopping or paying bills
Upon all these, they still have to pursue personal interests, hobbies, or professional development, prioritise their mental and physical well-being through activities like meditation or reading
Ultimately, a married man’s daily routine should balance his responsibilities, nurture his relationships, and prioritise his family’s well-being.
Ultimately, the level of effort and dedication depends on individual priorities and circumstances. Many married men find fulfilment in providing for their families and work hard to ensure their loved ones’ well-being.
Now, attacking a Man who is trying all he could to give you his wife and his children a comfortable life for not writing you a letter, a poem or send you a text message is a proof of your insensitivity. A clear indication that you never appreciate him or the effilorts his making to keep his family together.
The motivational preachers are the major reason why so many people are having trouble in their marriage, and they deliberately target women in their teachings because they know that women are emotional and don’t process information before they act.
Unfortunately, the majority of them just talk without processing what they are saying.
More so, most of Apostle Paul’s letters were written by Luke and not Paul. Paul dictated to him what to write.
How best can a man and his wife live their lives?
A fulfilling life for a married couple involves:
Key Aspects
Communication: Open, honest, and respectful communication to build trust and understanding.
Mutual Respect: Valuing each other’s thoughts, feelings, and boundaries.
Teamwork: Collaborating as a team to achieve common goals and overcome challenges.
Emotional Support: Providing emotional support and being there for each other.
Personal Growth: Encouraging individual growth and development.
Shared Values: Sharing common values and priorities.
Quality Time: Spending quality time together and nurturing the relationship.
Practical Tips
Schedule regular date nights: Set aside time for each other.
Practice active listening: Listen attentively to each other.
Show appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation for each other.
Foster intimacy: Nurture emotional and physical connection.
Support each other’s goals: Be each other’s biggest supporter.
Benefits
Stronger bond: Builds a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Increased happiness: Fosters happiness and fulfilment.
Better communication: Improves communication and conflict resolution.
Mutual growth: Supports personal growth and development.
By prioritising these aspects and tips, couples can build a strong foundation for a happy and fulfilling life together.
My advice, decide what is best for your marriage with your spouse and stick to it.
It is well
Sam Adeoye
0803 772 3500
