Most relationships that should end in marriage die a natural death a few weeks, a few months or a few years after it started because many people go into a relationship with their religious mindset; lauding their minds with all kinds of scripture verses that the person that uttered the word in the Bible could not apply to sustain his relationship or be married.
Going into a relationship and getting married requires self-discipline and so many people are not disciplined. I once told a friend that the devil is not the one after anybody’s relationship or marriage it is the persons involved in the relationship or marriage that are either stupid don’t know what to do to sustain the relationship/marriage or have no idea of what they want.
My marriage field simply because while I was protecting my ex from my family and friends and making sure that no one had access to her to either talk to her in manners I wouldn’t want or disrespect her, she gave access to her own family to talk to me at will, and also advice her wrongly against the marriage. I remember when we just got married and my family called me one day and said, “How is your wife? How is the marriage going?” And I said to him, “Sir, if there is anything I need you to know about my wife and marriage I will personally call you or come to you and tell. Until then, please, no talks or discussions about my wife and marriage.” And that was the last time my father did that.
I was once in a family meeting with my sisters and after the meeting, my sisters started talking about their husbands, the marriage, and their challenges one after the other and after they had done talking. My closest sister turned to me and said, let’s talk about your marriage. What is happening to you and your wife? I lifted my head and said, “My wife and marriage are not for open or family discussion. So, let this be the first and the last time you will ask me this question.” My sisters were shocked. But that’s me. A good man protects his woman, a great man protects his affairs.
Gone are the days when people seeking for partners within their neighbourhood, community, society, work or religious environment. Things have changed and we are now in the age of Social Media, where finding love has never been more accessible. It can be as simple as filling out a compatibility quiz or swiping right if that’s more your speed, but online profiles don’t always tell the full story, and meeting up with someone you connected with online can lead to some surprising discoveries. Getting to know the real person behind the profile is an important step, and before you can decide whether or not to commit to a person, you need to know what you’re looking for and what they are looking for in a partner.
Any good relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities. While superficial qualities like good looks and sexual chemistry are some of the early indicators of compatibility, there are a few more significant, must-have characteristics women look for in the man they hope to spend the rest of their lives with—characteristics that aren’t as likely to lessen with time.
Confidence
When a man believes in himself, knows who he is, and knows what he wants, it’s very appealing to a woman and is usually something she can tell simply from the attitude he exudes.
It’s important to note the key distinction between having high self-esteem versus an over-inflated ego. While women want a man who is confident and self-assured, they don’t want an overbearing man, who has to be the centre of attention, and thinks he’s the most important person in the world.
Being confident means being comfortable with who you are and believing in yourself and that you’re worth taking the time to get to know. Women respond to the upbeat energy a confident man is putting out in the world, so long as that confidence doesn’t overextend into egotism. When a man doesn’t feel the need to compete with or belittle others to lift himself, it will go a long way in winning a woman’s attention.
Trustworthiness
When a man is honest and trustworthy, he instantly becomes more appealing and desirable to a woman. If he’s dependable, truthful, genuine, and speaks from the heart, he’s a guy who is worth pursuing, as people can take him at his word. Trust and trustworthiness allow relationships to deepen. A woman needs to know that, if a relationship is to last long-term, she will be able to rely on her man just as he should be able to rely on her.
Integrity
Having integrity means acting virtuously and having a strong moral character. Women desire a man who is honourable, fair, and ethical. In terms of relationships, having integrity can help strengthen the bond a man has with a woman, as his moral principles will guide his behaviour and help him to be the best partner that he can be. Bonus points when that integrity extends beyond the relationship and a man can treat others with fairness and kindness.
Compassion
A man who is compassionate and empathetic is one step ahead when it comes to attracting women. Women want a man they can open up to, whether it’s about a bad day at the office or regarding their deepest hopes and fears. Having empathy means that you’re able to understand another person’s point of view and can sympathize with what they are going through. Women are highly interested in a man who has the ability and desire to show care and concern for others, too.
Emotional Availability
Women desire a man who is emotionally honest and forthright rather than a man who is cut off and emotionally unavailable. While fully and openly expressing feelings may seem strange or awkward at first, it’s important to be able to show a vulnerable, emotional, and human side of yourself to build a lasting relationship. Women prefer a man who isn’t afraid to show their true feelings and discuss them openly, instead of a man who keeps everything bottled up inside of him; talking about previous relationships and sharing parts of your past.
Respect
To have a healthy, happy, and successful relationship, both partners have to treat each other with respect. If a woman feels taken for granted, dispensable, or treated poorly by a man, she’ll likely drop him to avoid a broken heart. When a person is made to feel disrespected or patronized, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later. A woman will be more drawn to a man who shows her care and gives her the respect she deserves.
A woman will be paying attention to your ability to show respect not just to her, but to others as well, especially her friends and family. A man who can show respect to others is ahead of the pack, and that won’t go unnoticed.
Humour
Sense of humour. Life can get serious sometimes, and that’s why what women want from men is the ability to make the situation better with their sense of humour. You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian or a comedy writer to capture a woman’s attention, but having the ability to goof off, joke around, and have a sense of humour is highly appealing. When two people in a relationship are laughing at the same thing, she is sharing your perspective as her man, your values, and what you think is amusing. The more times a man tried to be funny and in turn the more times a woman laughed at his jokes, the more likely she was to be romantically interested. A man who exudes happy, lighthearted, and positive energy into the world will make a woman want to be around him.
Emotional Maturity
Odds are that if the above traits apply to you, you’ve probably already got the maturity part down. It’s important to show a woman that not only are you emotionally mature and able to keep an open line of communication, but also that you’re mentally mature and capable of behaving like a grown-up when it’s time to do so. You can show this by thinking rationally, not overreacting, and solving problems together after careful discussion. That’s not to say you can’t have fun and be silly together, as allowing that vulnerable side of yourself to show is a sign of maturity in itself.
Commitment
Women are tired of their dates or partners going with the flow. If things are getting a bit more serious between you two, now is the time to have a conversation about it and give your dynamic a label. After all, who would feel comfortable being in a situation forever? Do it as soon as possible, it makes things a lot easier.
Women love someone who doesn’t play toss-up between two women or worse, multiple women and is morally strong enough to devote his heart and soul to one person. If the only exercise he gets is running away from commitment, it’s not going to fly. Out of all the things every woman wants in a man, being committed and showing it every single day is right up there.
Don’t be Clingy
Being her man doesn’t give you a free pass to every aspect, every bit of her life, unless, of course, she likes it that way. You probably have a couple of friends who are angry at you for getting into a relationship and abandoning them. Make those plans and visit your favourite places, relatives and friends. There is no need to feel threatened if she is asking for space. It doesn’t spell doom for your relationship. Nobody appreciates a clingy partner, and personal space in a relationship is what holds the relationship together. We all need some space and time after a long day or week to feel good and refreshed, and to get in touch with our inner peace
Be her Best Friend first
Be a best friend she can spend her entire day lying next to. Yes, love, respect, commitment — all of it is important for a healthy relationship. But women feel a lot more at home with someone whom they can let in on a piece of gossip and go shopping with.
When you’re best friends with your partner, you achieve a level of intimacy that encourages you both to talk about absolutely everything. This, in turn, will only lead to improved communication and greater satisfaction with your bond. The type of man any reasonable girl wants is someone she can share anything with. Do you think you’re that guy for her yet?
Don’t fight dirty
Many of us men are too lousy and violent. A wife needs her husband not to be treated like the punching bag in a marriage. It holds good for both men and women. Fights are a part of every relationship, and the way you approach conflict resolution speaks volumes about the kind of person you are.
Everybody can act calm, kind and affectionate on a regular day. It’s when there’s a cloud on the horizon that people show their true colours. The way you talk and react in this situation instantly sets you apart from the other douchebags she has dated and you become the ‘good man.
No yelling, no name-calling, no losing your cool over trivial things. Don’t break her things no matter what. There’s no forgiveness for that. Take into consideration your partner’s emotions and point of view on every matter. Take time and space away from a fight if you need to, and get back with a more rational response.
Loyalty
Monogamy is a two-way street. When you’ve discussed that you’re both going to be exclusive with each other, it’s important to hold up your end of the promise. This is what a mature woman wants in a relationship: Someone who won’t hit on her hot best friend or check out other women in front of her. Once you hurt her self-respect, it will end sooner than you realize.
Be Sensitive and Supportive
Want to know what a woman wants in a man physically? No, not six-pack abs or massive biceps. She wants someone who’s physically there to support her. That’s it. The world can often be cruel to women. Don’t brush off the unfair treatment and discrimination she goes through. Being emotionally available for her is what keeps a woman in a relationship.
Acknowledge and validate her struggles, and be supportive. Make sure you are empathetic and respectful when she talks about the issues she has faced due to sexism. Be sensitive toward any mental health issue or insecurity she has and let her know that you believe in her dreams and career goals and stand by her side through thick and thin. Do the exceptional, when she’s in the right, take her side in an argument, be it with your family, friends, or some stranger. Defend her honour. Try to back her up even if she’s somewhat wrong. You can discuss how you felt later, in private. Honour her parents especially when she honours yours, and cook dinner when you know she has a bad day. Taking care of the simple things reflects pure affection, and that’s the kind of man every woman wants not the religious idiots who treat her like a nobody.
Don’t make everything about Sex
What do you have to offer a woman in a relationship? In case you answer ‘good sex,’ they have a lot of work to do. Sexual chemistry is just one of the many criteria to make a woman happy in a relationship. If you do her a favour and expect to be rewarded with sex, you’re better off not doing her the favor at all. Just because you took her car to the shop doesn’t mean she has to do that thing you like in bed.
Do things for her out of the kindness of your heart, not to keep score or to get laid in return. When you’re trying to answer “What does a woman look for in a relationship?”, know that she’s not looking for someone who makes her feel that she owes her body to them.
When it comes to what women need in a relationship, men and women are at an emotional stalemate. We feel something lacking in our relationships. The majority of modern men aren’t able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully open to their men.
Women aren’t opening up because men aren’t giving them what they need. Women feel disappointed and resentful; they are suffering. When women suffer, and they feel like they aren’t being seen, they close off to their men.
Fortunately, you can learn the right tools to be able to more fully penetrate your woman. You can give your partner what she needs, allowing her to feel seen so that she will open up again.
Take the time to read through these needs. Let them sink in. Understanding what you can do to help your partner fully open will not only improve your relationship, but it will improve your entire life.
Feel Loved
When women feel loved, they relax and open up to us. The arguments dissipate, the sex is abundant, and their nurturing feminine energy flows throughout our lives.
Not feeling loved is the subtext of every argument that you and your partner have.
If she is unhappy that you are going out with your friends, or she’s upset about her day at work, or she is only responding to you with brief snippets of sentences, then the cause is most likely her not feeling loved enough.
Learn to see through her words, actions, and moods and see what the real root of it is.
Feel Safe
There is a war being waged on women’s self-esteem, sexuality, and safety from a very young age. Because of the barrage of disempowering messages being sent to women regarding their sexuality, women need to have a safe space where they feel that they can trust their partners.
She wants to trust your strength. She wants you to feel like you can handle whatever she shows you. Especially the more vulnerable things.
She wants to feel like you will not judge her if she asks for something risqué. She wants to know you won’t collapse in defeat if she tells you to do it “This way” instead.
By creating a safe space for your woman to open up to you emotionally and sexually, you will be giving her a very powerful gift- you allow her to grow within your relationship and undo old emotional damage.
Feel Seen
So many of us Men are guilty of this. Most especially the Pastors and the over-religious brothers. Who sees their woman as a devil who is trying to distract them and take their attention away from God. Take it or leave it, Women want to feel seen even if and when she’s older. She wants to feel you hearing her and being aware of her emotional state. She doesn’t necessarily want you to be affected by her emotional state, but she does want you to be a witness to it.
If she is sitting across the room from you and you aren’t picking up on the fact that she is suffering emotionally and on the verge of tears, she will begin to trust you less. She will think, “If he can’t see that I am hurting now, how long will it take him to figure it out? Will I be suffering for days or weeks before he is aware of it or cares enough to help me through this? I guess I have to rely on myself for my emotional support.”
Life can seem extremely lonely, even within a relationship. You have to constantly show your partner that at least one person will be witness to her and her journey through life. That person is you.
To Nurturing
Just as masculine energy needs to protect, feminine energy has the desire to nurture. Women want to see the cracks in our armour. They want to see that we trust them enough to open up to them. They want to be able to help us through our sadness.
An integrated, evolved man who has balanced masculine energy, as well as his sliver of feminine, would welcome his woman’s nurturing.
If you are a guy reading this, have you ever held open a door for a woman because it’s the polite thing to do; but more just because she’s a person and it wasn’t even a gender-based act, and she chews your ear off for it? “Oh, what? I can’t open the door for myself because I’m a woman?! You sexist animal!”
That is an example of a wounded, unbalanced woman who doesn’t want to accept help from a masculine source. This is exactly how it feels to your partner when you push her away when you feel the most vulnerable. “I don’t need to lay my head down on your chest and tell you about my feelings because I don’t have any!” That is a lie. It’s a lie that serves your purpose of not letting your partner in. This lack of vulnerability and authenticity is what is making you and your partner suffer. So let her in. She wants to love you.
Feel Sexually Desired
What’s the major difference between your relationship to your partner and your relationship to everyone else in your life? You have sex with your partner. Women need to feel sexually desired. They want to make sure that you see and appreciate them as a feminine, sexual being. Praise her body, her look, her lips and eyes, her legs etc. Don’t bodyshame her. Mean it and be positive about it. Feel her and grab her appreciatively. Remind her that you see her as a sexual being and you will both benefit.
Feel Appreciated
The feminine in all people responds primarily to praise and appreciation. Remind your partner that you love her. Tell her that you appreciate what she brings to your life. Show her how much she means to you.
The fastest way to run your relationship into the ground is by ignoring your partner and taking her for granted. Appreciation is the opposite of those things. Appreciation is embodying the mindset of what she brings to your life, and you letting her be aware of it as well. Tell her what you appreciate about her, and tell her often.
To Feel She Can Count On You
Life gets pretty messy sometimes. When life’s unavoidable difficulties arise, do you fall apart under pressure or are you able to bend and not break?
Women want to know that their man can handle himself when life happens. They want to know that he won’t run and hide when they get a bit ‘too emotional’ for his liking. They want to know that they can count on their man.
When you tell your partner you’ll do something, and then you don’t do it, it hurts her. She loses a piece of trust in you that has to be earned back. Even seemingly small things break that trust like you saying that you will wash the car for her to take out but never did. When enough small transgressions like this are sprinkled throughout your relationship, she will distrust you. Do what you say you will do, be who you say you are, and be consistent in your actions.
You’ll read more in my article coming out tomorrow. The Link will be attached to this post.
Thank you
Sam Adeoye