By Sunny Igboanugo
I got a job with The Guardian shortly after NYSC and from my little keske, supported my classmate to establish a business centre in Owerri. When The Guardian was proscribed, I didn’t go to Lagos to trouble my senior brothers. I joined my friend in Owerri. I not only lived with him, I lived on him and with him shared EVERYTHING EQUALLY without let.
We cruised Owerri in grand style. I ate the same thing he ate. We were both light drinkers, but drank as much as he could carry. Before setting out, I knew the size of his pocket and knew what I could order. That was the only restriction. I knew I could order beer or meat or anything on my own without consulting him, based on my idea of “our budget,” and knew he would pay without hesitation.
I toasted babes on the same budget, just as he did, never having any inhibition or hesitation about who would pick the bills of the peppersoup or whatever was needed for entertainment.
After the hunt, whoever was lucky, the other donates the bed. He was living in a one-room-self-contained apartment in Ikenegbu, different from my four-bedroom apartment in Enugu.
It didn’t matter that he had the dough or that I practically lived on him. On occasions both of us became lucky on our usual daily hunt, whoever gets to the bed first takes it and the other sleeps in the mattress on the floor. Sometimes we even preferred the mattress for obvious reasons.
Decades on, things became tough for my friend again and he reached out to me once more. I was living a good life and without hesitation I came through for him and he was reestablished. Two years after, things crashed for me again. I couldn’t even find money to evacuate my belongings from the city where I once lived in opulence. Just a phone call and my friend again picked the bills and did more.
Today, everyone seems ok. But tomorrow, when tough times knock again, we know where to go and what to do. Throughout the time when things were bad for me, I never felt any inhibition to live off my friend and when it was reversed, I never harboured any towards helping him out. He could drive my car and I could drive his.
So, what’s this nonsense I hear today? They call it ‘Entitlement Mentality!’ What’s that I ask? Does it mean I should be happy and I couldn’t demand that my friend with whom I chased rats and rabbit in the past help me when I’m in tight corners and I shouldn’t be sad or complain if he didn’t?
Does it mean I shouldn’t complain when my friend is living lavishly while I struggle? Does it mean that my elder brother’s son would be at home because of school fees while I send my own children abroad on holidays or purchase the latest SUV to add to the cars in my garage – or start changing my furniture or even start building a new house and my brother who probably saw me through school would applaud me? Just because it is my money?
When did that become the norm in our society? When has it become the practice that we shouldn’t expect our brothers to scratch our itching backs and like animals rely on nearby trees, or roll on the floor to get relief, while our brothers stand by and look on?
In the case you’re wondering where all these are coming from, I’ll tell you. I just read a story purportedly attributed to Victor Osimhen, Nigeria’s football sensation. In it, the Galatasaray goal poacher, narrated an encounter with one of his friends. He stated how this “friend” to whom he had always given money, told him that he wanted to set up a business. He subsequently doled out $5,000 to help this friend. That would amount to about N8million, roughly.
That was a good gesture. But, according to the story, he was surprised when his friend started grumbling that the money was too small, given that he earned $1million every month. For that reason, he not only counted it against his friend, but suggested that he would stop listening to people in need who came to him because they were ungrateful.
After all, the football star and the reigning African Footballer of the Year (AFOTY), stressed that nobody came to his rescue when he was struggling in Europe. In other words, he was self-made and everyone should do same.
He couldn’t just understand why people should be so ungrateful. To him, $5,000 was such a big amount in Nigeria, even though he acknowledged that in Europe, it was not enough to buy a pair of shoes for someone of his status.
Come and see condemnation as people lampooned this “ungrateful friend.” Some people were beside themselves with righteous indignation. Why couldn’t the friend find a way of making his own money? Was Osimhen his father? What right did he have to question or determine what he should be given? Osimhen should ignore him and move on.
I read all the comments and I shook my head in disbelief. Is this how low and deep our society has sunk? One thing that I found intriguing was that none of these people who formed the throng of supporters for the footballer paused to ask how he started with his friend and how far they went and what they told each other before Osimhen’s break came.
This same guy, might not be just anyhow friend. This could be one of the friends with whom Osimhen shared gala and coke at the time they were running after vehicles selling pure water along Oregun Road. At that time, it did not matter who bought the items, but they would share equally and be happy. They would crack jokes, look into each other’s eyes with the deep reflections and understanding only two friends could share.
Nobody knows how many times this same guy could have sprung his friend out of trouble and what they both could have gone through together. Now, one person breaks through and feels it is too much to ask him to lift his friend up to at least a level where the both of them could still relate appreciably on a sound, if not equal ground. I’m sure that’s what the friend was driving at.
Now, the only way he could do that was to send this his friend the amount he himself confessed was not enough to buy a pair of shoes and believes the friend would jump up in appreciation. No true friend would. I won’t. I’ll grumble like that young man. I’ll not only grumble, I’ll confront him.
What Osimhen gave to that friend was not a reflection of friendship. It was a demonstration of the opposite – akin to master-servant – which is different altogether.
For those who want to know what true friendship looks like, read a similar story between Cristian Ronaldo and his own friend, whom he confessed made him what he is today. I’m sure the story is there for all to still go back to.
Mere tokenism is not a demonstration of friendship. Given the guy $5,000 out of probably $100million yearly earning is nothing but inconsiderate – if not outright wickedness.
To my brothers, who trumpet “Entitlement Mentality” slogan whenever issues like these are raised, be it known to you that what you’re are promoting is wickedness, especially in our African clime.
An African society is nothing but a community where a tree tries to make a forest or is expected to if that is the only option or until other options. People rely on each other to live, not out of privilege, but of right.
Where I come from, the parents train the first set of children and they take it from there and train the rest. Even if the younger one is the first to make it, the rest rely on him to cater for the rest. It is not even a privilege, it is a right. Whoever fails to live by this precept is not only a deviant, but wicked. And society sees him as so.
It is even worse these days, when I hear people advocating that parents should not expect their children to take care of them at old age, because they have their lives to live. That is the height of it.
The white man you’re trying to copy has his own structure cut out for him. There is nothing shameful about his parents moving to old people’s home. All manner of loans are available to start life or go to school. All manner of start-up facilities are available.
Osinmhen is wrong and his friend is right. Here, it is a different kettle of fish. We ride on each other’s back. We get hurt when we don’t get help. There is nothing to be ashamed of expecting your brother to give you money to start business.
So, when next, you think your brother who expects you to pay his son’s school fees is indulging in Entitlement Mentality, brother, the joke is on you. You’re not fooling anybody. You’re just wicked.
My name is Sunny Igboanugo, and I’m The Tiny Voice!
